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We study our menus and chat about what’s on offer. When he handed me the flowers, Aidan mentioned he wants to talk with me about something, but whatever it is, he’s not yet broached the subject. That’s fine by me. While a part of me is curious, things have been pretty intense since I last saw him, so if it’s anything heavy, I don’t know that I’m ready for it. It might be better to keep the conversation light, if possible.
When our server comes over, I opt for the halloumi burger with sweet potato fries, while Aidan goes for the spicy chicken tacos. Order taken, she leaves again.
“So . . .” Aidan drums his fingers on the table. “I went to see my da.”
“Oh?”
He nods. “We were overdue a catch-up, plus I needed some answers.”
I’m pleased to hear Aidan has been putting some effort into his relationship with his dad. I’m not exactly in the right headspace for the full details, but Aidan tells the story, and I try my best to concentrate.
“So . . . my maw and da gave things a shot because of me, but it didn’t work out,” he sums up after filling me in. “I realise our situation isn’t a million miles away from theirs, but it is different. I like you, Grace, and I want to be sure you know that. Aye, you’re carrying our wee lass, and I’m excited to meet her, but there’s more to our relationship than the baby. I think . . . well, I think you and I could have a happy-ever-after together.”
He swallows, and there’s a strange intensity to his gaze. My heart rate picks up.
“Once again, I’m sorry for taking you to visit that house. That was a mistake, but maybe the idea of you moving up north wasn’t so crazy. I was thinking—”
“Shh!” I lean forward and place a finger to his lips.
His eyebrows rise, but he does stop talking.
“Aidan, I’m touched you came here to see me,” I say, choosing my words carefully. “But . . . emotionally I’m at max capacity at the moment. I really like you too, but it’s still early days between us, and with what’s going on with my mum, I can’t even think about moving right now. I don’t have the mental bandwidth.”
Aidan grimaces and rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry, I just—”
“You don’t have to apologise, but let’s talk about something else, okay? No big topics, please—something light.”
Aidan nods. “Aye. Of course.”
He offers a small smile, but I can tell he’s disappointed. I wonder if I’m being unfair—after all, he travelled six hundred miles and donned his kilt just to talk to me. Then again, I specifically asked him not to come to London, and he came anyway. After I left Mark, I vowed to prioritise my own needs above all else, and I don’t want to fall back into bad habits. To protect my wellbeing, I’m perfectly entitled to ask Aidan to park this conversation.
Thankfully, he recognises and respects this. Changing tack, he says, “So . . . have you watched any good Christmas TV since you got here?”
Aidan holds the door open for me, and I leave the pub, the chilly air hitting me.
“Ah, bracing!” With a grin, Aidan crosses his arms and stamps his feet. The temperature has dropped further while we’ve been eating.
My lips twitch. “You do have underwear on under there, right?” I nod at his kilt. “Please tell me you didn’t go true Scotsman in this weather.”
He chuckles. “I’m not that crazy, but it turns out a thin layer of cotton doesn’t do a great deal to protect my most sensitive parts from the cold.”
He grimaces, and while I do feel a wave of sympathy, I can’t hold back a chuckle.
“Hey! It’s no laughing matter.”
“It kind of is, though.” I nudge his shoulder with my own. “Well, we better get to the hotel quickly, for the sake of your dangly bits.”
He winks but then glances at my bag, which he’s carrying for me. “About that . . . it was great having dinner with you, but I could tell your mind was elsewhere. If you’d prefer to go back to your maw’s tonight, that’s okay. I can see you to her door then head to the hotel myself.”
My heart does a little flutter—it’s sweet that Aidan cares. As we ate, we engaged in small talk, deliberately avoiding any important issues, just as I’d requested. I might not have been as present as I normally am, but it was exactly what I needed: a break from all the emotions I’ve been experiencing the last few days. Concern for Mum, guilt for having kept her in the dark for so long, regret that my relationship with her isn’t as strong as it could be . . .
Talking about other things was a good escape, but there’s another type of escape—one that’s both physical and mental—that I could really do with right now.
“Aidan, I’m going to spend the night with you. But . . .” I grip his hand and squeeze it. “I don’t have the energy for any more chat. I just want to walk with you by my side and enjoy your presence. Then, when we get to your room, maybe we can communicate with our bodies instead of words?”
He wraps an arm around me. “Aye, I’d like that, and that’s the last thing I’ll say to you for a wee while.”
His lips find mine, and we share a warm, tender kiss before setting off for the hotel together.
