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It’s not easy reliving the worst day of my life in words that have been read by I don’t know how many people. But sensationalist though it is, the article is at least sympathetic, inviting the reader to empathise at how awful it is that this happened to me. Harry’s definitely made out to be the bad guy.
Even so, I feel sick. It’s bad enough that what happened to me happened without people around the country—possibly around the world—reading all about it. I thought I was safe in Bannock—far away from everything—but as long as you’ve got an internet connection, you can’t really escape. News will always find you.
I close my eyes and practise some of the techniques I’ve learnt in Grace’s classes. I breathe in deeply then breathe out. I focus on my breath, trying to use it to ground myself, to ease my growing panic. But it’s no good. The tears come, violent sobs that rack my whole body.
* * *
Loud rapping at the door. “Emily! Emily, are you in there?”
It’s Grace. The pounding and calling reminds me of my wedding day. After she chased me through London—a scene that was photographed and published in the magazine—I lost her in the Underground. After that, she arrived at the flat, knocking and begging me to open up—just like now.
“Emily, we agreed to meet for breakfast at half past eight, and it’s almost nine! You’ve not come downstairs, and you’re not answering your phone. Are you in there? Is everything okay?”
I force myself off my bed and open the door.
Grace takes in my appearance and gasps. “Have you and Ally had a fight?” she demands.
“No.” I shake my head and usher Grace into the room then close the door behind her. “It’s nothing to do with Ally.”
I wake my phone and pass it to her—it’s still showing the article—then I collapse back onto the bed. I can’t find the words to tell her what happened. She can see it for herself.
“Oh, Emily!” Grace sits beside me and scrolls through the article then puts down the phone and hugs me. “I’m so sorry. This is horrible! No wonder you’re crying. You’re strong, though, Emily. You’ll get through this, I promise.”
“Thanks,” I sniff. “I . . . I heard from three clients. Two have dropped me. The other wants me to call them, but they’re probably going to ditch me too. The sensible thing would be to contact all my couples, to pre-empt any concerns others may have. If I play my cards right, maybe I could even save the three that got in touch and convince them to stay with me. But . . .”
I wipe at my eyes. “The thought of stepping back into that world . . . I don’t know if I can do it, Grace. It’s my business, my livelihood—I should be fighting to save it—but I . . . I just can’t.”
Grace places a hand on my shoulder. “You came here to escape everything. You’re not ready to think about your business yet, and that’s okay. Be good to yourself.”
Sniffling, I nod, then we fall into silence for a while. Although we don’t speak, I appreciate Grace’s company, that she’s here for me. She rubs my back as tears trickle down my cheeks.
After maybe five minutes, there’s another knock on the door.
“Emily, are you in there? I’ve got news!” It’s Ally’s voice.
“Shall I tell him to come back later?” Grace offers.
“No, it’s fine.” Gathering my strength, I get up and open the door.
My breath hitches when I see Ally. He doesn’t look at all like his usual self. He’s wearing a pair of navy chinos and a pale-blue shirt that draws attention to his broad shoulders and slim waist. He’s well groomed too, his stubble beard trimmed, his hair styled. As much as I love his normal, more rugged look, this one is no less manly, and he cuts a fine figure in his smart clothes.
I’m not the only one who’s surprised.
“Emily! What’s wrong, lass?” He wraps his strong arms around me.
I let myself be held by him, enjoying his closeness and warmth, then I pull away and hand him the phone, just as I did with Grace.
Soon, he’s swearing and pacing about the room, furious, but he doesn’t know what to do with his anger. He wants to protect me, but how can he protect me from this? He can’t. The words and pictures have already been published online. They’re there for anyone in the world to see. In the end, he simply envelops me in another embrace, squeezing me tight.
“If this has proved anything,” Grace says from where she’s perched on the bed, “it’s that you’ve still not recovered from what happened, Emily. That’s understandable—it’ll take time. But maybe you’ve jumped into a new life before properly saying goodbye to your old one.” She stares at Ally meaningfully.
“Why are you turning this on me?” he demands.
“Oh, don’t!” I groan. “The last thing I need is for you two to argue. I need both of you to support me.”
“Sorry!” Grace is contrite. “I’m just trying to look out for you.”
I nod then sit on the bed beside her. Ally pulls over a chair for himself. Wiping at tears that won’t stop coming, I ask him why he’s so smart.