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“In fact, give me a minute, all right?” Grace heads into the hall, closing the door behind her.
Soon, her voice filters through. She’s talking on the phone with someone, but I don’t listen in. I don’t want to know. Before long, she joins me back on the sofa.
“Well, I had a chat with Harry.” She squeezes my knee. “I made it clear to him what I think of him. I also made it clear that he can handle everything to do with the wedding, and that—even though this place is his on paper—he had better not return here until we’ve sorted somewhere for you to live. He’s going to stay with his parents for a few days.”
I nod.
“Now, Emily, you may be naturally petite, but I’ve been watching what I eat for months, all so that I looked smoking hot in this dress. I can finally eat what I want, and what I want is the worst, unhealthiest food. Let’s get takeaway.”
The change in tone is clear: Grace is trying to be more upbeat, but it does nothing for my mood. I also don’t believe her: she’s extremely health-conscious, and unhealthy food is not a treat for her. Besides, there’s no way I could stomach anything right now. But she takes out her phone and orders us something, and I don’t stop her.
When she’s done, she turns on the TV, not that I can focus on it. It’s just a comforting noise in the background, like her comforting presence beside me.
I barely register the buzzer going or Grace getting up to collect the food. After a lot of insistent nagging, I eventually cave in to her demands that I eat something. It’s pizza, but I couldn’t tell you what’s on it. I pay no attention to the smell or the taste. I don’t even flinch when a bit of sauce drops onto my dress.
Instead, feeling numb, I take a few pathetic mouthfuls, trying hard not to think of what we were supposed to be eating today, of the delicious menu Harry and I selected, of the fun we had at the tasting session. Were there signs then? Indications of the doubts Harry was harbouring, the doubts he kept to himself until the eleventh hour?
It’s too early, too painful, to conduct a postmortem of the relationship. With a shake of my head, I try to dismiss the memory, as though it were as easy as shaking a picture from an Etch A Sketch. But of course, it’s not.
Time passes without me really being aware of it. I don’t check the clock, not wanting my naturally organised mind to kick back into action, to remind me of the schedule for the day and everything I had planned.
I just sit, Grace by my side. We don’t talk, but she’s there for me, and that means so much.
I couldn’t tell you for how long we sit before I say, “I need to get away.” The idea comes out of nowhere, startling me with its intensity. The moment I thought it, I voiced it, and hearing it out loud, I’m now only more certain of its truth. I say it again, slower, emphasising each word: “I need to get away.”
Grace nods. “Yeah. I think that’d be good for you. After today, you should get out of London, spend some time finding yourself again. Hang on. You and Harry had a honeymoon planned, right?”
Before Grace can take this terrible idea any further, I say, “I am not travelling to all the places we were meant to visit together.”
“Fair enough. That can be another thing for Harry to sort out. Leave him to cancel flights and hotel stays and attempt to claw back some money. His problem, not yours. My point, though, is you’ve got a few weeks off work.”
“A month,” I correct. “It was a logistical nightmare arranging it, but it was to be a once-in-a-lifetime holiday to mark the start of our new lives together. Now I’ve just got a month to myself to wallow in self-pity.”
“No, you’re not going to do that. You are going to use the time to recover and get back on your feet. You can do anything with the next month. Anything. I know you’ve got some money tucked away in savings. Use it. If you could go anywhere in the world, Emily, where would you go?”
“I . . .” I shake my head. “I need to find a new flat, and this has probably done irreparable damage to my career. I shouldn’t go spending my savings.”
Grace grips my shoulder. “Listen to me, if you don’t take the time to heal now, you’ll be worse off in the long run. I’m speaking from experience on this—you know that. You need to take care of yourself. It’s so important. So tell me, where would you like to go?”
I think. It takes me a while, but then it comes to me. There is a place that feels safe, special. A place I never went with Harry. A place I’ve not been to for years and years. Somewhere remote, far away from everything.
“I . . . I have an idea.”
CHAPTER TWO
EMILY
It’s ten o’clock at night when I arrive in Bannock, a small town in the Scottish Highlands. After an eight-hour train journey from London to Inverness, followed by a forty-minute taxi ride through winding country roads, I am exhausted. I’m finally here, though, in this place I remember so clearly from my childhood.
The taxi pulls away, leaving me and my two suitcases outside the Bannock Hotel, an old three-storey stone house on the main street. It was in this hotel I stayed the last time I was in Bannock, seventeen years ago now, when I was thirteen.
A lot has happened since then, but I can still picture that holiday vividly. I remember the picturesque town set in a beautiful valley, with wooded hills on either side and a sparkling river flowing along the valley floor. It’s dark now, so I’ll have to wait until morning to reacquaint myself with the view. But the streetlights and lit windows are welcoming, the place a beacon of human life in a landscape otherwise hidden by night.
I shiver, my white jeans and lightweight blouse doing little to keep me warm. It’s cooler here than down south, as if, even though we’re now in April, something of winter lingers on. I extend the handles of my suitcases and, with some difficulty, bundle both them and myself into the hotel.
In my line of work, first impressions are everything, which is why I’m deflated by my first glimpse of the interior. Faded tartan carpets. Scuff marks on the walls. No one at reception to welcome me or help me with my cases.
A scrappy notice warns that customers must check out no later than ten, while another states that any damage or breakages must be reported immediately.