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“That every single time you come back from one of those memories,” he said gently, “you still come back to me.”

“You don’t have to force belief,” Dr. Gene replied. “It can come slowly.”

“Yeah. I think that’s the strange part,” I admitted quietly. “I feel like I’m learning how to do things naturally again. Like smiling, and…being touched again.”

I felt a nudge against my calf and smiled before I even looked down. Ollie wound himself around my legs, his tail curling against my ankle like he was making absolute sure I acknowledged his presence. I crouched carefully and slid my hands beneath him, grunting a little at his weight as I lifted him against my chest. Ollie immediately settled into me like this was his plan all along, front paws draped over my shoulder. I kissed his little black-and-white head and a deep, rattling purr vibrated through his body and into mine as he pressed his face beneath my chin, completely content.

“But some things still feel…” I hesitated, searching for the right word. “It’s not that I don’t want him,” I said softly, eyes fixed on the man outside. “Because I do.”

God, I do.

Sometimes it would hit me so suddenly, it almost stole my breath. The simple fact that he was alive, warm, beautiful, and mine again after all those years of believing I’d die without ever seeing him again. “He kisses me and I feel it everywhere,” I whispered. “And when he touches my waist or pulls me into his lap…I can barely think straight afterwards.” A warm flush crept into my cheeks, and outside, Jackson bent to adjust the mower height, entirely unaware that he was currently the subject of the most humiliating conversation of my life. “But he’s careful,” I continued quietly. “Too careful sometimes.”

Dr. Gene hummed softly. “What makes you say that?”

I exhaled slowly through my nose and let Ollie down on the sofa. “He never pushes,” I admitted. “Not even a little. If we’re kissing and I tense up, even by accident, he stops immediately. Or-or if I get too in my head…he changes the subject before I even have to say anything.”

“And how does that make you feel?”

I stared at Jackson through the window as he glanced absentmindedly toward the house again, and my chest ached softly at the sight. “Safe,” I answered immediately. “…and guilty.”

Dr. Gene’s voice remained neutral. “Tell me about the guilt.”

I closed my eyes briefly. “Because I can tell he wants me too,” I whispered. “I’m not stupid.” Heat flooded my face instantly. Outside, Jackson pulled the cord on the mower again after it stalled, muscles flexing in his arms as he yanked it harder the second time. “Oh my God,” I muttered under my breath, looking away. “It’s just…” I sighed. “We’ve technically been together again for eight months now. We sleep in the same bed, we kiss, we shower together, and sometimes it feels like we’re…right there, right on the edge of moving forward, and then he just…” I trailed off.

“Stops?” she offered gently.

“Yeah.” The word came out smaller than I meant for it to. I stared down at the pendant around my neck, rubbing my thumb over the tiny engraved heart. “I think he’s scared of hurting me,” I admitted eventually. “Or reminding me of…him. B-but Jackson’s nothing like him,” I added quickly. “Nothing.”

“I know that,” Dr. Gene said gently. “But trauma isn’t always rational, Evie. Sometimes both people become afraid of crossing a line they can’t uncross.”

I pressed my lips together, trying to collect my thoughts again. Outside, Jackson finally finished the lawn and cut the mower off completely, and the sudden quiet filled the room. “I miss wanting things without fear attached to them,” I whispered.

Dr. Gene went quiet for a moment before she asked softly, “When you imagine intimacy with Jackson, what scares you the most?”

The question settled heavily in my chest.

I thought about Wayne.

About hands that only ever took.

About surviving by disconnecting from my own body.

Then I thought about Jackson. The way he asked before touching me when I was upset, the way he stopped the second my breathing changed, the way…the way he kissed me like I was something precious instead of something owned. And somehow…that tenderness scared me too, because I had so much to lose now. “I think…” I swallowed hard. “I’m scared I’ll ruin it.”

“Evie,” Dr. Gene said gently, saving me from combusting entirely. “Before we finish today, I want you to remember something.” I lowered my hand slowly, forcing my attention back to the call. “What you’re describing sounds like trust being rebuilt carefully by two people who love each other very much, and he’s giving you space because he cares about your safety,” she said. “And you’re thinking about intimacy because your body is beginning to reconnect with comfort and desire again. Those are both healthy signs, Evie. Nothing has to happen before you’re ready,” Dr. Gene added. “And when you are ready, you’re allowed to communicate that too.”

Something about hearing it spoken aloud settles deeply inside me, like relief…like permission.

“Okay,” I whispered.

Dr. Gene’s voice warmed. “I think that’s enough for today.”

I nodded softly. “Thank you.”

“You did really well today, Evie.”

Emotion caught unexpectedly in my throat. “Yeah,” I murmured after a second. “I think maybe I did.”