Page 20

Not Evie.

Not my little sister.

She was just here. I just fucking saw her. I struggled to catch my breath as I looked out into the dark street, hoping Evie would appear and tell us this was all just one big cruel joke. “Evelyn!” I screamed as I pushed myself up and ran onto the road, my body shaking as tears streamed down my face. “Evelyn!” I bellowed again as I heard the openings of neighbouring front doors and disturbed dogs barking in their yards.

Behind me, something broke. A sound I’d never heard before. Jackson was doubled over, clutching the note in his fist like it was the only thing holding him up. “No…no—” he choked out, shaking his head frantically. “N-not her. Not Evie,” Jackson stammered, his eyes squeezed shut as he paced the sidewalk. “Not now, not after…” He dropped to his knees, sobbing into the crumpled paper. I could do nothing but stand there as the world fell apart around me.

Jackson was never the same after that night.

Not that any of us were.

But he…disappeared in his own way. He stopped talking the way he used to. Stopped showing up. Started fading into the background, and I let him. That was the part that stayed with me. I was so consumed with finding Evie that I didn’t see what was happening right in front of me. My best friend was falling apart. But I was selfish in my emotions, expecting everyone around me to cater to my needs and wants. And before I knew it, he was gone, moved to the big city in search of a better life.

My headlights illuminated the garage door as I pulled into the driveway. The sun-bleached tricycle my son left in front of the wooden steps breaks a smile out across my face. Robert Evan Rosen. Named for two people who never got the chance to meet him. Two people who would’ve loved him more than anything. Sometimes, I caught myself wondering what Evie would’ve been like with him. Loud, probably. The kind of aunt who spoiled a kid rotten and then handed him back without apology.

When Nicola told me she was pregnant back in ’88, it felt like the ground shifted under my feet. Like everything I thought mattered rearranged itself overnight. My goal stopped being just about chasing killers and started being about keeping them away from my door.

Keeping him away.

I groaned as I opened the car door, and I sat there for a second, one foot on the pavement, checking my pager out of habit. Nothing. No alerts. No emergencies. Then the fly screen door banged open against the side of the house.

“Daddy!”

I barely had time to look up before he was already bolting down the steps. “No running, Robbie!” Nicola called after him, one hand holding the door open, and I was out of the car just in time.

“There’s my boy!” I laughed, catching him as he collided with my chest, his arms locking tight around my neck like he was afraid I might disappear if he let go. “What’d you get up to today, huh?” I asked, holding him close for a second longer than necessary.

“Mummy watched TV wif me,” he said proudly, like it was the greatest achievement known to man.

“Oh yeah?” I glanced up as I carried him toward the house. “Big day, then. Sounds exhausting,” I teased as I stepped into the house. Nicola glared playfully, shifting her weight with one hand braced against her back, the other resting over the curve of her belly.

“You try being seven months pregnant, and we’ll see what you do all day,” she retorted as she shut the door behind us, the dinner in the oven filling the air with the scent of a well-cooked roast.

“Daddy, down!” Robbie squirmed in my arms.

“What? Already?” I set him on his feet. “That’s it? I get thirty seconds and I’m dismissed?” He was already halfway across the room before I finished the sentence, dropping to the floor beside a half-finished puzzle.

”What am I? Chopped liver?” I said in exasperation as Nicola laughed at my expression.

“You’re not more important than his Mickey Mouse puzzle, honey. You should know that by now,” she retorted, though I was smiling as I slipped an arm around her carefully, mindful of her stomach, pulling her in just enough to feel her against me.

“Did you miss me today?” I murmured as she rested her chin on my chest, her blue eyes filled with the love that undoubtedly saved my life.

“Always.”

I leaned down and captured her soft lips with my own—not deepening it, just kissing her. Our noses squashed against each other and our heartbeats drumming as one. If I didn’t have Nicola, I’m not sure where I'd be today. Probably staring at the bottom of a bottle.

“I’m hungry!” Robbie screeched, causing us to break apart, but even with my eyes closed, I could feel her smile against my lips. I glanced over at my son, at the puzzle pieces scattered across the carpet, at the way my wife absentmindedly rested her hand over our unborn child. I had everything. A house. A family. A promising career. But something was missing. Something was always missing.

“How was your day?” Nicola asked, her words muffled as she blew across a forkful of lamb, trying not to burn her mouth. I sighed, cutting Robbie’s food into smaller pieces that were probably already small enough, my knife dragging slower than it needed to. “That bad?”

I let out a short, humourless laugh. “It’s been twenty-four hours since the press conference, and we’re already drowning in it.”

“In what?”

“Bullshit.” I stabbed a piece of carrot harder than necessary. “I just assumed that we’d have an influx of real information by now. You wouldn’t believe some of the shit I heard today. ‘Oh yeah, I saw her the other day actually, she looked great. So…how do I claim the reward?’”

Nicola winced. “Jesus.”