Page 31

"You have already told me that. And, that was not what I asked you, Mr Briar."

"Cathy," he said, and the word was like a prayer.

No one had ever called her Cathy before. She had been Catherine to her great-aunt and to people who did not know her particularly well, Kate to almost everyone else and Katie Kat to her family on occasion. Now Bella was married she was Miss Darcy more than anything. But Cathy? The name scrambled something in her brain, and she had to shake her head to try to attend to his words, his voice rising above the storm.

"Cathy," he repeated. "Please, I am trying to explain. I... you are... I cannot. I cannot be what you wish me to be."

Anger rose in her chest, bright and hot. And the storm suddenly seemed very far away. "What do you mean? I have not wished you to be anything! I have not asked anything of you. I hoped only to understand why you did it."

"Because..." He looked at her miserably. "Because I like you, Cathy. You are intelligent and kind and so wonderfully clever, and you are beautiful. Do you have any idea what you do to me when you are close? When you look at me with those enormous brown eyes and crinkle your nose in that way you do when you are cross with me? Just as you are doing now, in fact." He reached out a hand, as though he meant to smooth the little crease between her brows, but stopped himself before his fingers touched her face. "Good Lord, woman, do you know how often I have wanted to kiss that little crinkle away? Yesterday I could not resist you, although I knew I must, because I cannot offer you what you deserve. I cannot court you. I cannot offer you the sort of life you need."

Kate stared at him, hardly knowing which part of his speech to address first. He thought her beautiful. Not pretty or agreeable, but beautiful. And he had wanted to kiss her. She felt a strange, wonderful fluttering in her stomach and could not raise her eyes from the sodden ground. His arms were still at her elbows.

"But..." she began, then stopped, trying to organise her thoughts "If you wanted to kiss me, and I..." She felt her cheeks growing warm. "Well, if I did not object to being kissed, then I do not quite understand why you are so unhappy or why you ignored me at dinner."

Nathaniel gave a short, miserable laugh. "Because wanting to kiss you and being in a position to court you are two very different things, Cathy. There is my family, for one thing."

"Your family?" she repeated uncertainly.

"They are not people I should ever wish to inflict upon you. And then there is my work. I am away for months at a time, often in places where the conditions are most uncomfortable. What sort of husband would I make? What would I do with a wife?"

"Very well, Mr Briar," she said, drawing herself up as much as she could beneath the weight of her father's enormous coat. "Allow me to summarise your position in a clear and concise manner, so that I may ascertain if I have understood it correctly."

He looked at her warily.

"You kissed me yesterday because you find me attractive and enjoy my company. You then proceeded to ignore me for an entire evening, allowing me to believe that you regretted the whole business and thought me a fool. And now, having admitted that you do indeed hold me in some regard, you have decided that nothing can come of it because you travel a great deal and have a family you do not like. Have I understood you correctly?"

"Well, when you put it like that..."

"And at no point, Mr Briar, have you considered what I might think of the matter. Or discussed it with me like I might be a rational human being. You have behaved in a most ungentlemanly manner, and I am beginning to wonder whether I have entirely mistaken your character."

That seemed to hurt him. His face changed, and for a moment Kate almost regretted saying it. But she had spent the whole of the previous evening feeling like the most foolish girl in Derbyshire, and selfishly, she wanted to share a little of that pain.

"I have tried to behave honourably towards you, Cathy."

She laughed then. A broken, hollow sound. "By kissing me and calling me Cathy and being so, so… vexing? I do not know too much of gentlemanly honour, but it does not seem you have been trying very hard."

"I am aware I have failed miserably!"

"Well, at least we agree upon something!"

He released her and turned away, thrusting his hands through his wet hair, and Kate watched him with exasperation. What had happened to the cheerful, amusing gentleman who had mingled with company with such ease and made her laugh? The man who had seemed so interested in everything she had to say? This Nathaniel Briar appeared incapable of giving a straight answer to the simplest question.

"I do not understand you, Mr Briar," she said, her voice beginning to shake. "You tell me that you like me, that you think me beautiful, and then you explain all the reasons you could never possibly consider marrying me. I have not asked you to marry me! I have not asked you for anything at all! I merely wished to know whether the kiss meant something to you or whether it was the sort of thing you do whenever you find yourself alone with a young lady."

His head snapped towards her. "Do you really think so little of me?"

"I do not know what to think of you!"

"Good God, Catherine, I have spent every waking hour of these past two weeks thinking of little else but you! I cannot concentrate upon my work when you are near me. I have to remember to breathe! I have lain awake at night imagining what it would be like to hold you in my arms, and yesterday, when you looked up at me in that trench, I wanted to kiss you so badly that I could no more resist you than my heart could resist beating. Is that what you wished to know?"

Kate stared at him, her own heart thumping so hard that it felt if she looked down at her chest, she would see the movement through the thick layers of her clothing.

"Then why..." she began.

"Oh, for God's sake, woman!" He took two quick steps towards her, caught her face between his hands and kissed her.

Kate had no opportunity to think. One moment she was standing in the rain feeling impossibly angry, and the next his mouth was upon hers, warm and demanding. She had remembered their first kiss many times over the past twenty-four hours, but this was nothing like the gentle, gradual deepening she had experienced with him before. His lips now moved over hers with a fierce hunger that took her breath away, his hands cupping her face as he tilted her head back to taste her more deeply. She felt the roughness of his unshaven chin against her skin, the cold rain running between their cheeks and the heat of his mouth as it slid over hers. When she parted her lips to him, he made a low sound in his throat and slid one arm around her waist, pulling her firmly against him. Kate caught hold of his coat to steady herself, her fingers gripping the wet wool as he kissed her again, and again, until she was breathless. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest against hers, and when his hand moved to the back of her neck, his fingers slipping beneath her damp curls, she found herself standing on tiptoe to get closer to him. The rain might have been falling in buckets, but she was suddenly warm everywhere, and the only thing that mattered was to get as close as possible to Nathaniel Briar.