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Ballad of Rioting Hearts

Page 74

by Misti Murphy

“Yeah.” I seek out Kelsey as I strip down to my black jeans. She’s tucked into the corner of the booth with Kodiak on one side and Golden on the other. They’re trying to distract her, but they don’t know why she’s freaking out. They know the noises and light show outside scare her. They just don’t know why.

The world outside lights up before it’s plunged back into darkness.

Kelsey screams. Her gaze locks with mine as she scrambles deeper into the corner. And nothing Kodiak or Golden is saying to her is penetrating the fear. Her wild, frantic eyes stay glued to me.

My phone rings. I ignore it. Scrub and crush the water out of my hair. Hang on, Little Vandal, I’ve got you.

Leaving wet footprints, I stride toward them. The guys are trying to help, but they don’t have a fucking clue what it’s like to be used up without having a say in it. They don’t have the memories of being held down and touched in ways that make you want to be violently ill. Of being too weak and powerless to do anything about it. While she didn’t give me all the specifics during the last storm we were in together, she gave me enough. I know how to help her through it. I know why she needs help through this.

Because I feel it too. I’ve barely even touched myself since I found out what Sonatina—psycho bitch—did to me. Part of that has been because of the tattoo I proudly announced was for Kelsey’s benefit. And it was. She is the only woman I want anywhere near my cock.

But in the back of my head, some small whispering part of me saw it as protection too. I acted on gut instinct. Used Kelsey’s name like a ward against anything like that happening to me ever again.

The other part is that bitch keeps getting in my head, eroding away who I used to be. The only time she hasn’t was that night Kelsey made sure I heard her with Kodiak. She blocked out everything and let me feel normal for the first time in weeks.

It’s the same reason Kelsey needs to be distracted now. It’s why she has to be kissed, touched and fucked in a way she chooses. Marco took that choice away from her and left nightmare memories in its place. He erodes who she is every time he takes over her thoughts. Turns her into a victim. I truly understand that now.

Bronx shoves a pair of sweats into my chest. “You’re going to get her all wet.”

“Thanks.” I chuck them on the table and drop my wet pants to the ground. Don’t give a fuck who looks at me butt naked. They’ve all seen me in fucked up and bare assed positions. Right now, Kelsey is the only priority. I shove my legs into the loose pants and settle the waistband on my hips.

Golden gets up and moves out of my way without a word. Trying to get Kelsey out of the corner of the booth with the table in the way isn’t going to be easy. I slide in until our sides are pressed together at thigh and shoulder.

I don’t even know if I can be the man Kelsey needs me to be right now. If she needs holding, she can count on me, but storms usually mean fucking... I can’t let her down. I won’t. Never again. I will find a way to handle my shit. And if I can’t, then I’m still going to make sure she gets what she needs.

Kodiak watches me without a word. I indicate he should do the same on her other side. “She needs pressure.”

He scoots over until there’s no space between them. Shoulder to shoulder. Hip to hip. Knee to knee.

Between us there should be enough pressure needed to pull her out from under her memories and back into her body. She starts to shake violently.

It’s the first storm since he tried to take her. That’s got to be making it worse. The nightmares have been vivid. Makes sense her memories would be crystal clear at the moment too.

“Tell me what to do to help her.” He’s flustered. He keeps looking at her like he’s helpless and it’s killing him.

I cup my hand on top of her thigh. “Wanna come to me, sweetheart? Or to Kodiak?”

“You.” She practically crawls onto my lap.

Kodiak’s fingers curl on top of the table.

Golden and Bronx both watch from the bench. They have the TV on, but neither of them is paying any attention to it.

“Arms around me, Little Vandal.” I take her hand and drape it over my shoulder. She slips it higher on my shoulder, places her other hand up there too. I lift her the rest of the way onto my lap and start to scoot out from the booth. I catch Kodiak’s attention. “You’re with us.”

Kodiak leaves the booth just after us. He follows me as I carry Kelsey through bunk alley. Again, thunder rolls over our head, followed by a snap of bright light.

Kelsey whimpers. “Please, Riot. I don’t want to remember.”

“Grab us some blankets. Pillows. Condoms,” I tell him.

“You can’t be serious,” he balks.

“I have known this woman since we were fifteen.” Back then, when she’d sleep over, I held her through the storms without knowing why. I’ve watched her turn to strangers for sex so she could feel something better than the memories and marks he left on her. When we started touring and I told the guys that she was off-limits; I knew that meant there would be storms where the only thing I could do for her would be to press her into the mattress like any good friend would. “It doesn’t matter that we’re not in a good place. That we might never be... I know her better than you do. I know what she needs and when she needs it. So do what I fucking say, yeah?”

“Fine.” Kodiak disappears into the bathroom.

I twist the handle on the back lounge door and kick it open. “Water too. Candy.”