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“And that doesn’t faze you at all?”
“You mean like make me ooey-gooey inside? A little.” Okay, a lot.
“But you don’t believe him?”
“I don’t know what to believe. Even if Noah does love me, given half the chance, he would barge into my life with all the subtlety of the bulls charging at Pamplona. He plans everything, and if I let him, that would include my life.”
“No offense, hon, but you could use a little help in the planning department. You don’t even make plans for Christmas until, like, the week before. Maybe you could balance each other out.”
“Kat…”
“I’m being serious. Is his planning fetish really your hang-up?”
No. Noah’s take-charge, dominant-male attitude turns me on. A lot. I get wet just thinking about his elaborate plans to drive me to the edge of my self-control and send me hurtling over while I scream his name. In fact, everything about him turns me on…except his lies.
“No. He’d plan stuff in my life. And maybe I could use some of that. But how will I pick up the pieces after he plans the seduction of his next girlfriend?”
Kat sighs. “Look at this objectively. He lied. That sucks, but he didn’t do it to hurt you. He did it to win you.”
“According to him.”
“Why would he lie about that? Noah might have a reputation for being a manwhore, but he’s never been a deceitful jerk. He must have known how anti-relationship you are. If he loves you and wants to marry you, what options did you leave him? Sounds like he was desperate to convince you to see him as your lover.”
“You’re taking his side?” I feel my jaw drop. “You’re my sister. Doesn’t blood give me some advantage?
“Just think about his options before you get all high and mighty. You wanted him, but you were willing to let it go, right?”
“It was…awkward. He’s my boss, not to mention Tim’s friend. There were so many obstacles. I didn’t think he’d actually be interested in me, and I didn’t want to get hurt.”
“Noah wanted you so much, he worked around awkward and put himself on the line to be with you. He risked his pride and his pain to lay his heart at your feet. Think of everything that man did to get your attention, to touch you…”
I have thought of it. Repeatedly. The reality swims in my head, drowning out anger, leaving me with a hollow ache. I want to give in so badly. With a few words, I could have that amazing man in my bed, his eyes gleaming blue fire, charged by wicked lust.
But… “That doesn’t excuse his lies.”
Kat scoffs. “It goes a long way. Stop being righteous. You hate the fact he was more clever and he outmaneuvered you. But his lies aren’t really the issue.”
Frowning, I grip my steering wheel, wishing for a moment it’s my sister’s neck. “What are you saying?”
“You’re scared of the lengths he schemed in order to win you.”
“A little,” I admit. “It’s like a terrifying thrill ride.”
“But I think you’re really upset that he’s making you confront your fears about the future. You’re afraid you’ll give him your heart, and he’ll leave you someday.”
In stop-and-go traffic, I chew on a ragged nail. An uncomfortable resonance in my brain and tightness in my stomach tells me that my younger sister is right.
Discomfort at facing those very fears wars with guilt in my belly. I rejected a sexy, intelligent man with deliciously sexy intentions to avoid facing my own demons. I hurt him deeply, based on his expression after this morning’s meeting.
I feel like a coward. But that doesn’t make my fear go away.
“Bitch. I hate that you know me so well. What are you suggesting?”
“Get over this little tantrum before you piss away the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
“The best thing? You never liked Tim.”
“With good reason. Look, you divorced the bastard because he never put you first. Now, you have a man willing to blanket you with affection, devote night after night to your happiness and pleasure. And you’re pissed about the way he approached you. Besides being way too picky, you’re lying to yourself and letting your fear control you.”
