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“But leaving—”
“I’ve already been making arrangements.”
My heart speeds up again. “What kind of arrangements?”
“With your uncle, Maurice. He thinks there might be a way that we could get away from all of this.” She reaches across the table and takes my hands, then squeezes, as if she’s pouring all her hope into me. “He thinks we could go to Buenos Aires. They have a private specialist clinic in Buenos Aires where I could continue my treatment. And they have everything you could possibly want to have a fresh start.”
“Mama, you’ve really thought about this.”
“I have. Maurice will be able to get us safe passage to Buenos Aires and make arrangements to keep us hidden. No more being punished for your father’s sins. No more Bellandis. No more Lev Karsavin.”
No more Lev Karsavin.
The thought makes my heart squeeze.
Lev.
I’d be leaving him.
How can I do that when he’s come to mean so much to me?
“Sweetheart, I’ve stood by and watched for far too long. All these men… all they want is power. Nothing else matters.”
She’s not wrong. And this thing between Lev and me is…
I feel it and I like it. He’s been good to me. But I can’t forget the reasons why we’re together. He might make me feel special, but I’m still a pawn in a revenge scheme against my father. A scheme I’m still in the dark about when it comes to what Papa did.
At the same time, my heart still hurts at the thought of leaving him.
And what if the plan doesn’t work?
We’d both be in so much trouble.
“Mama, I’m worried. What if something goes wrong?”
“I have to try.” She nods with the vigor of a woman who’s ready to fight for what she believes in. “The problem over the years is not trying. Let’s face it. We’ve lost everything. Lev has control over everything, even my shares in the company. I can’t fight that, but I can get up and start again. Maurice is still working on the escape plan. He’s thinking of getting us out by sea. That’s the only way we can leave unnoticed.”
She glances towards the terrace and gives a long hard look. I follow her gaze and see she’s staring at the same maid my father was with.
The maid doesn’t see us looking until a few moments pass. When she finally does, she stiffens. She stares back for a moment then has the good sense to look away.
She was nineteen when we first found her with my father. She’s twenty-three now. I don’t want my mother to stay in this situation. Living around my father and his mistresses.
Mama and I look back at each other. “If we leave, you can be Allegra again.”
Those words cut through me deeper than anyone could know. People say it’s little things in life that matter. It’s true.
For me it’s simple things like just being myself. That’s something I want more than anything. “I’d truly want that, Mama.”
“Then this is the way. Just be ready. Okay? When it’s time to move, we have to be ready to act fast. Okay?”
I think of Lev, and then I think of the massive opportunity to become myself again.
Allegra.
If I stay with Lev, I must continue being Gabrielle. Leaving offers me the possibility of becoming Allegra again.
I can’t be her if I’m with him.
