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Miss Gideon and the Incident

Page 56

by C.N. Jarrett

13

“My errors will point to thinking men the various roads, and will teach them the great art of treading on the brink of the precipice without falling into it.”

Giacomo Casanova

Julius was confused. Thoroughly, maddeningly confused.

The desire to tuck Audrey close, to bury his face in the silken spill of her hair, to breathe in the subtle herbal notes that clung to her—these were fresh, unbidden impulses he had not anticipated. What began as instinctive gratitude for her saving his life had taken an unexpected turn.

This is what comes of embracing a woman you admire.

A light snore informed him that Audrey had fallen asleep. And now, with her head nestled beneath his chin, her breath soft against his chest as she slumbered, Julius was overwhelmed by something perilously close to contentment.

Patrick and Rose had kept their distance, but he knew it would not escape notice. Too much time spent alone, too much scandal already brewing.

And still, he had no regrets.

Holding her now, he resisted the temptation to press a kiss to her silky hair. She had given him a trust no woman ever had before.

How far he had strayed from his usual path. His conquests, such as they were, had always been pragmatic—worldly widows or married women who knew the rules and bore no illusions. He had never sought more. Never shared more than polite conversation. Admiration, mutual fondness, even affection were not luxuries he had permitted himself.

But Audrey? She was unlike anyone he had known. Intelligent. Bold. Soft where it mattered, yet made of steel beneath the surface. He admired her. Liked her. Wanted to talk with her, to learn her thoughts, to share his own in return.

This is a catastrophe.

He had known from the start that crossing that boundary would change everything. And it had. Her reputation was no longer intact, even if she had taken the risk willingly. He had implicated her in more than intrigue. He had tethered her to himself in the eyes of society.

And there was no undoing it now.

She might believe there were no expectations between them. But Audrey was a lady. And she deserved protection. Security. A future unmarred by cruel whispers and judgment.

Which meant only one course remained.

He would marry her.

The very thought sent a tremor through his chest. Not because he did not want to. But because he feared he would fail her. Audrey was not a woman who would abide a marriage in name only, or a life left to loneliness while her husband gallivanted elsewhere.

And yet, what other path was there?

No, there is no alternative.

Truth be told, Julius did not care for the image of Audrey married to another.

As selfish as it might be to want her for himself while imagining a future lived apart, he could not deny the possessiveness that had rooted itself in his chest. Audrey was his. Dash it all. She belonged to no man, certainly not to him, but his thoughts resisted any other possibility.

He was not accustomed to such a riot of conflicting emotions in the wake of one of his many escapades. Regret had never lingered long. He had always prided himself on keeping things simple. No promises. No entanglements.

Yet here he was, holding a young woman who had saved his life and been irrevocably ruined in the process, and his conscience warred with his independence.

And still … no regret.

He brushed a lock of golden hair from her cheek. Her slumber was peaceful, her breathing steady. Somehow, amidst the chaos of recent weeks, she had become his anchor. She saw through his wit and bravado, past his reputation, and had chosen to stay. To help. To fight.

What a tangle.

Perhaps they could spend a few quiet weeks together at the start of their marriage. Perhaps he could ensure her future was secured, perhaps even grant her a child to keep her company when he returned her to Stirling. Surely, she would be less discontent if she had purpose. It would be a practical arrangement. She deserved far more than to be tied to a man like him, but a babe might offer comfort in his absence.

Julius groaned into the pillow.