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Buried Accounts

Page 3

by P.J. Fiala

Four hundred and some in cash, in three places on her body. The drive. A name that had held until this week and might not hold past it, because if they'd found the room above the laundromat, they'd found the lease, and the lease was the name on everything. One change of clothes. A phone she'd bought for forty dollars and would drop off the next bridge that didn't have a camera at the end of it.

That was the whole of her. That was the whole of the woman who had once reconciled what other people earned.

The boy with the hood shifted two rows up, and his earbud fell out, and a thin tinny line of music leaked into the aisle, and for a second Claire read him as she read everything, for the wrongness in it, for the tell. There wasn't one. He was nineteen and tired and the music was something with a beat she didn't know, because she had stopped knowing the music a long time back, along with the names of restaurants and the plots of shows and all the small, shared furniture of being a person among people.

She looked back out the window.

The hiding had cost her the wrong things. She'd braced to lose her name, her history, the apartment with the good light she'd had at twenty-nine, the idea of a wedding, the parents she could no longer call. All of that she had lost, and all of that she had survived. What she hadn't braced for was the erosion underneath it, how a person who could never be known started, by inches, to stop being knowable even to herself. You couldn't keep a self in a drawer that long and expect to find it the same when you opened the drawer.

She'd opened the drawer this morning, at 4:11, and found the self exactly where she'd left it, cold and ready and able to put her out a window in under two minutes. That was the part that frightened her, riding a bus to a town she'd picked off a map because it was small and on the water and three transfers from anywhere. Not that she'd lost herself. That the self she'd kept was this one.

The town she got off in had a bus station, a diner, a hardware store, and a church with a marquee that had been quoting the same psalm long enough that the rain had taken two of the letters.

She gave it a day. The diner had a counter and four booths and a waitress who'd worked there long enough to stop performing the job, and Claire took the booth with sight lines to the door and the lot and ordered coffee she paid for in coins. Nobody came in who looked at her. Nobody sat in a car outside who didn't have a reason to. By the second cup, the body that had been certain, twelve hours ago, that it was about to die had begun its slow argument with itself about whether it had been right.

"You want food, or you just renting the booth?"

The waitress had come back with the pot and was holding it at the angle that meant the question was real. She had reading glasses pushed up into gray hair and a name tag that said DOT and the flat patience of a woman who had watched a great many people drink coffee they couldn't turn into a meal.

"Toast," Claire said. "Whatever's quickest."

"Toast is quick." Dot poured without being asked. "You came in off the early bus."

It wasn't a question, and that was the danger in it. Claire had spent years training her face to give a stranger nothing, and the training held, but the holding cost something it hadn't used to cost, because the woman wasn't fishing. She was making conversation the way people in diners made conversation, and Claire had been so long on the other side of ordinary talk that she had to run it through the part of her that checked for tells before she could let a single word out.

"Passing through," she said.

"Everybody's passing through. Bus goes both ways." Dot set the pot down on the next table and pulled the order pad from her apron, and she looked at Claire over the reading glasses, not hard, just direct. "You look like you haven't slept. None of my business. Toast'll be up in a minute."

She went, and Claire sat with both hands around the cup and made herself breathe at the count she'd taught herself, because the small kindness had landed somewhere she kept locked, and a thing that landed there was a thing that could open a door, and an open door was how people got found. The waitress had a kind face. Claire had not been near a kind face pointed at her in long enough that her body didn't know what to do with it except treat it as a threat.

That was the cost nobody had told her about when she'd chosen this. Not the name, not the history. The way kindness came to feel like a hand reaching for the back of your neck.

The toast came, and she ate it, and the eating steadied her enough to do the thing she'd come into the diner to do, which was not drink coffee.

The diner had a rack of newspapers by the register, the regional daily and two giveaway circulars, and Claire had been reading newspapers the way she read everything for years, not for the news but for the tremors, the small dry items in the regional briefs where a structure like the one she carried showed itself when it moved. A foundation that reorganized. A holding company that dissolved. The vocabulary of money rearranging itself to stay ahead of someone. She had taught herself to find those items the way a radiologist finds a shadow on a film, and she had been finding them, here and there, for years, the structure breathing in its sleep, never close, never about her.

She took the regional daily back to the booth and turned to the briefs, reading newspapers as she read everything, not for the news, but for the tremors. A name went past her eye, and her hand stopped on the page.

It was not a name she knew. That's what stopped her — that it was almost a name she knew, that it sat in the same family as the names in the file the way a cousin sat in a family, close enough that her ledger-mind flagged it before her reading-mind finished the line. A foundation, frozen. An asset seized. A man who'd fled the country, named only as the foundation's principal, the kind of sanded-down phrasing a regional brief used when the real names lived in a federal docket somewhere, and the paper hadn't paid for the detail.

She read the three lines four times, as she’d once run eleven thousand dollars again and again.

She didn't have all of it. A brief was a brief — no detail, the names filed off. But the shape was there, and the shape was the same shape, and a federal action against that shape meant that somewhere a person with a badge and a forensic mind had started pulling on the structure she'd been hiding inside of, and the pull had reached deep enough to freeze an account and seize a property and surface, three days late, in a giveaway paper in a town she'd picked at random.

This was the tremor. Not the structure breathing in its sleep. The structure waking up because someone had a hand inside it.

That was what had reached back and found her. Not bad luck. Not a drunk at the wrong door. A federal hand had gone in from the top, and the structure had felt it, and the structure had begun cutting its loose threads before the hand could reach them — and she was a loose thread; she had always been the loosest, the clerk who ran and was never quite confirmed dead.

The brief named the place the property sat, the place the action had a docket and therefore an address. A town near the Gulf she'd never heard of.

Blossom Springs.

She sat in the booth with the cold coffee and the cooling toast and the paper flat under her hand and understood two things at once, and they pulled against each other with exactly equal force.

The first was that Blossom Springs was the most dangerous point on the map, because it was where the structure would be watching hardest, where the people sent to cut threads would be thickest, the one place a loose thread would be a fool to walk toward.

The second was that it was the only point on the map where the right person might be. For years she'd needed someone who dealt in what held up, someone who could turn what she carried into the difference between a witness and a participant — and she'd never known how to find such a person, and now a three-day-old brief was telling her that such a person, or someone who worked beside one, had just frozen an account and seized a property in a town with a name out of a children's book.