Page 16

She asked again, her voice dead quiet.

I started counting the weeks in my head, and then my hand froze over the sink. Because deep down, before the math even finished settling in my mind, I already knew.

I bought two pregnancy tests from the pharmacy down the road, and both turned positive before the three-minute timer even went off.

I still remembered sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, staring down at those two plastic sticks lined up across the counter while my sister stood behind me with her hand resting on my shoulder.

I didn’t cry at first. I let out one short, breathless laugh because the whole thing felt impossibly cruel.’

Caspian had spent months—damn near a year—begging me to move in with him, talking about marriage and a family like we had decades of tomorrows waiting on us. By the time my doctor dated the pregnancy, I was already close to eight weeks along, which meant I’d been carrying Caspian’s baby before that final Halloween morning ever happened.

And Lord, that boy was the spitting image of his daddy.

He had Caspian’s dark eyes, the same little stubborn frown that showed up whenever he was sleepy or irritated, and expressions that would catch me so off guard I sometimes had to look away for a second. There were nights I would sit in the nursery rocking him to sleep and stare at his face, wondering how one tiny person could make me feel closer to Caspian and miss him even more at the exact same time.

Kaidence was the best thing to come out of the worst year of my life, and wherever Caspian was—if he was still alive—he had no idea he had a son.

Caspian’s mom took it hard too, especially because I was taking her grandson with me, but none of them tried to make me stay.

They had watched what that city was doing to me.

By the time everything was loaded, there was barely room left in the trunk. Kaidence was buckled into his car seat in the back, sleeping through the whole emotional mess like none of us were out there falling apart.

Granny hugged me first and held on longer than usual. “Call me when you make it… not text, but call.”

“Yes, ma’am, Granny.”

Willow wrapped her arms around me next. “And don’t be acting brand-new because you live somewhere else now. I better still hear from you every day.”

I laughed through the tightness in my throat. “You will, sis.”

Before I got into the car, I looked at both of them and made the promise I needed them to hear.

“If Caspian comes back, I’m coming home.” My voice held steady on that part because that was the outcome I had spent a year praying for.

The next part was harder.

My throat tightened, and for a second I couldn’t get the words past it.

“And if…” I stopped, looked away, then forced myself to finish. “If somebody finds him… I’m coming home too.”

Nobody said anything.

They knew what I meant.

Finds him didn’t just mean Caspian turning up somewhere alive; it meant the possibility I still couldn’t let myself say out loud.

That one day somebody might call and tell us there was nothing left to wait for.

I tightened my arms around myself. “Either way, I’ll come back.”

Granny nodded, pressing her lips together.

Willow dropped her face for a second and wiped at her cheek. “Just go before I start crying ugly.”

I hugged my family one more time and slid behind the wheel of my car.

My hand rested on the key for a moment.