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We take our plates out to the kitchen, get rid of any leftover food, and rinse the plates. Mitch pours us another glass of champagne, and we take that back to bed, get under the duvet, and sink back onto the big white pillows.
We lie close to each other and continue to talk while we sip our champagne, kissing in between each sentence. Slowly, the alcohol threads through my veins, and I begin to relax.
“Penny for them?” Mitch asks, and I realize I haven’t said anything for a minute or two.
“I was wondering whether my marriage was going wrong before his accident,” I admit. “I think it was.”
“Oh?”
“Sometimes…” I hesitate.
“What?” he asks gently, reaching out a hand to cup my cheek.
“Sometimes I wonder whether he ever loved me at all.”
He frowns and lowers his hand. “He married you, Vix. I’m sure he loved you very much.”
“I don’t know.” I give him a puzzled look. “He never made me feel the way you do.”
He smiles—he likes that.
It makes me think how he must have felt, watching me at the altar, promising to love another man for the rest of my life. His feelings must have been awfully strong if he’d considered telling me how he felt in order to stop the wedding. He was Jayden’s best man; it would have been a shocking thing to do, but it was only my father interceding that stopped him from going ahead.
I can’t believe he’s wanted me all this time. He’s had to watch me with Jayden, then listen to me announcing I was pregnant…
“You were there,” I whisper. “At the hospital, when Millie was born.” He said he was there to support Jayden, but now I’m sure that wasn’t the case.
“Yeah,” he says. His blue eyes survey me steadily.
“That must have been hard for you.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I remember going in to see you afterward. Jayden wanted to show Millie off. She was such a beautiful baby, with the same big brown eyes as yours. But I couldn’t take my eyes off you. You looked amazing. So tired, and yet so happy. I left afterward and walked all the way down to the beach, and I sat there for hours, just looking out to sea.” He shakes his head at the memory. I can feel how much it must have hurt him.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “I wish I’d known.”
“I nearly told you, so many times.”
“Why didn’t you say something last Christmas?” I’m puzzled that he didn’t speak to me after he saw Jayden push me.
“Because you stayed, Vix. All those years, you made the choice not to walk away from him. I don’t want you to be with me, if deep down you want him. I only want you if you want me.”
That’s why he wants me to tell Jayden about us. He’s a good man, but he’s only human. He’s had to keep his feelings, his jealousy, his resentment, locked away for years, and now he needs me to prove that I’m not settling because my husband left me. He wants to feel that I’ve chosen him. Can I blame him for that?
I put my glass on the bedside table, glancing at my wedding ring that’s still sitting there, gleaming in the fairy lights. It feels symbolic. I can almost feel it, heavy on my finger.
I know he wants me to call Jayden, and I will, when I’ve had time to think about what I’m going to say. But I want to give him something now, to prove that my past is behind me, and he, Mitch, is my future.
Rolling over, I get up, pick up the ring, and go out into the living room. I go over to my handbag, tuck the ring into one of the side pockets, and zip it up. Then I return to the bedroom and climb into bed.
“I’ve dropped it into the fires of Mount Doom,” I joke.
He meets my eyes and gives a small smile.
“I’ll see Blair after Christmas and start divorce proceedings,” I tell him. “I promise. I should have done it before now. I’m just so sorry it’s going to take another eighteen months before the divorce comes through.” I feel bitter about that. “Why on earth does it take so long in this country? I Googled it, and apparently it only takes six months in the UK, and two months in the US. Two whole years’ separation here is such a long time.”
“I know.”
My throat tightens, and I cuddle up to him and slide my arm around his waist. “I’m sorry.”
