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“What qualifications do you even have to be a dating coach?”

“I have many qualifications, thank you very much.”

“Please name one.”

“I’m a man, and I know how men think.”

“Okay, well, I’m a woman, and I know how women think.”

“Well, good for you, but you’re not trying to get a woman, are you? You’re trying to get a man, and if you want a man who is going to⁠—”

“Okay, okay,” she interrupts me. “Let me read you my list. I’m looking for a man who’s handsome, who’s good in bed, who makes me laugh, who has enough money so that I don’t have to work at Mama’s Kitchen for the rest of my life, who thinks I’m funny⁠—”

“That’s going to be a hard one.”

“Ha-ha, Brett.”

“What? I’m just saying.”

I grin at her, and she shakes her head.

“So, I’m also looking for a man who’s adventurous and wants to travel. I would love to go on a safari in Africa and then trek in the Himalayas. I mean I don’t love camping or anything, but maybe this instance.”

“I didn’t realize you were into mountain climbing,” I say, surprised.

“I mean, I’m not into it just yet, but that’s because I’ve never been to the Himalayas.”

“You don’t just start in the Himalayas, Rosie. If you’re interested in climbing, I can take you to some spots around here, maybe the foothills and …”

She wrinkles her nose.

“I mean, that’s not as much fun as the Himalayas, but you have to start somewhere.”

“Okay, fine. Maybe I’m not into climbing. Maybe I just like guys who climb because they’re hot and they’ve got strong muscles and I like a man with good legs. There’s nothing worse than when a guy works out and he only works his upper body, so his muscles are really big on top, and then he’s got these skinny little legs. That is not attractive.”

“That is very, very precise,” I say, and she bursts out laughing.

“I mean, you say precise, and I say very narrow.”

“Same difference.”

“Maybe.” Laughter bubbles out of her again, and she throws her head back. She plays with her hair and braids it to the side of her face. “Okay, so what next?”

“I want you to spend the evening thinking about the top five traits you’re looking for in the man you want to marry, not just things you’re looking for in a guy you might possibly go on a date with. Because ultimately, if your goal is to find the one, do you really, really care if he works out his upper body more than his lower body?”

“I mean, I guess that’s not the number one thing on my list. Fine, I’ll think about it tonight. So, are you ready for your date, Mr. Selleck?”

“Not really.” I shake my head. “I don’t know why I agreed to let you set me up. What’s this lady’s name again?”

“Her name is Patrice.”

“Okay, and how do you know her?”

“I met her at the comedy show. She’s a yoga instructor, and she’s very pretty. She’s blonde.”

“Okay, and what does that have to do with the price of coffee?”

“Well, I assume all men like blondes.”