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“What happened?”

“Well, you know Calder is in London.”

“Yes. Is everything okay with him?”

I shook my head. “He’s not the problem. I am.”

“You’ve been spending time with Rafe again?”

I took a deep breath in. “We slept together. I can’t seem to stay away from him, even now that Calder knows what I did.” My voice trembled. “I didn’t mean for it to happen again, but I…don’t know how to stop it.”

My mother exhaled. “Okay, calm down. Everything is going to be okay.”

“You’re not going to lecture me?”

She made a sound that might have been a chuckle. “What good would that do?”

“Well, I am curious to hear your thoughts…”

“You know the difference between right and wrong, Talia. I don’t need to explain why your actions are wrong. But it seems you’ve decided your relationship with Calder is not valuable enough to resist your feelings for Rafe.” She paused. “I have to wonder… If you’re willing to risk a solid relationship like what you have with Calder, there must be something significant there with Rafe.”

Nailed it. “There is, Mom. My feelings for him have only grown. They’re different from anything I’ve felt with someone before. And his feelings for me seem to have evolved, too. Things have gotten a lot more complicated since Calder went away. It’s to the point that I feel like I’m in two separate relationships now, rather than having an affair.” I closed my eyes a moment, needing to recalibrate. “That’s an overwhelming realization, because it means I stand to hurt two people. How much destruction can one person be responsible for? And I’ve broken up their friendship on top of that. Anyway, with both men going away, there’s a very good chance I’m going to end up alone.”

“What do you mean both men are going away?”

I explained Rafe’s Las Vegas opportunity and told Mom how he’d suggested I live in his apartment while he was away.

She was quiet a moment when I’d finished. “Okay, hear me out, Talia. I actually think the idea of you staying alone in his apartment is fantastic. It’s going to allow you space from both men. You’ll have the opportunity to decide what you really want.”

I shook my head. “When I tell Calder Rafe and I slept together again, that’s going to be the end of it. He’s not going to want to work on anything. And as Rafe becomes more famous out in Las Vegas, we’re going to drift apart. I have to start making decisions as if I’m going to be alone.”

“You can’t predict the future,” Mom countered. “But trust me, you learning to be alone is not the worst thing in the world, honey. The thing I regret most is not learning how to be alone. When I lost your dad, my entire world went with him. If I’d had more experience living independently, perhaps losing him wouldn’t have been so devastating. I think one of the best gifts we can give ourselves in life is learning to just be with ourselves. Learn to enjoy life alone. Learn to go to a café, perhaps, and have a coffee, just sitting with your thoughts. If you can find ways to be happy and at peace without anyone else, you’re gonna be set for life.”

“Alone with my thoughts sounds pretty miserable right now, Mom. But I understand what you’re saying.”

“Once you get past this tumultuous time, it will get easier. This is going to be a learning experience for you. You don’t see it now, but you will.”

I nodded. “I think it’s called learning the hard way.”

“Often that’s the only way, sweetie.” She sighed. “Look… I’m not gonna tell you it’s ever okay to cheat. But the fact that it happened means something was missing. People don’t cheat when they’re fulfilled. And maybe you wouldn’t have realized something was missing in your relationship with Calder had Rafe not come along.”

I closed my eyes and pictured the hurt in Rafe’s eyes last night. “Rafe is really torn up about the fact that I haven’t told Calder we slept together again. He thinks I’m trying to keep all my options open.”

“Well, is he right?”

“I don’t think so? At this point, I can’t always be sure what my intentions are. It’s hard to trust myself. But I know I don’t want to ruin Calder’s chances at the job in London by admitting something else he has to deal with while he’s away.”

“And what happens if he gets the job in London? Would you still consider going with him if he asked you?”

“My bets are on me returning to Montana once Calder moves to London.”

“Does he think he has a good chance at getting the job?”

“He seems very stressed. I don’t think he knows.”

“You need to let things play out, Talia. It’s futile to hypothesize. Calder is either going to get the job and leave, or not get it and stay. Rafe is either going to be gone to Vegas indefinitely or come back. But you know you’ll be alone in Rafe’s apartment for a while, so you should make the best of that time. Something will shift and help you decide the outcome of this situation without you having to make any rash moves right now. Just let things unfold.”

I knew in my heart she was right. With so much up in the air, things couldn’t possibly stay the way they were. I massaged some of the tension out of my neck. “Thank you for always letting me vent, Mom.”