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“I’m sorry about last night. It was stupid of me to do something like that if I had no intention of taking it all the way with you.”
“Don’t worry about it. I hope you understand where I was coming from, though.”
“I do.”
“When I finally take you, there’s not going to be any holding back. That’s why you need to be completely ready for it.”
“I know you’re not used to women thinking twice before opening their legs to you.”
“Do you not remember me telling you that I liked a challenge?”
“I remember.”
“I’m up for it, Perky. Don’t worry. I’ll wait as long you need me to.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead. Anything. You know that.”
“All of the women…never letting anyone in…even your career which assures you’re never in one place for too long…is it all because of Lucy?”
Silence.
God, I was such an idiot. Again.
After a few minutes, I finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Carter. I shouldn’t have asked that. It seems I just keep sticking my nose in places it doesn’t belong the last twelve hours. First the bathroom, now this. I was out of line. I hope you’re not upset.”
His voice was low. “I am upset, but it has nothing to do with you.”
Carter steered the camel down a small hill. It was nothing but sand for miles. And us. The few buildings that sporadically dotted the desert were no longer in sight. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
“That’s the thing. I’ve never talked about Lucy. Not with anyone. My parents tried for a while, but they quickly realized they weren’t going to get anywhere and gave up. As horrible as it sounds, I just moved on. It’s been years since I let myself stop and think about everything that happened. Pretty sure I’ve thought about my life more in the last forty-eight hours than I have in the last fifteen years. Didn’t realize how much I was still holding onto.”
“Sometimes the things we hold onto the tightest are the things we most need to set free.”
Carter sighed. “Yeah.”
“It sort of makes sense. The lifestyle you lead. Always moving around and blowing through women. You can’t get hurt if you never get attached.”
“And I can’t hurt them if they never get too close.”
“It’s a protective mechanism. We all do it to some extent. I’ve been doing it the last year myself. In the back of my mind, I knew what I was going to eventually have to do, and I started pushing people away. My friends, the little family I have left…I didn’t want them to judge me when the time came.”
Somehow, Carter reigned in Fouad, and we came to a stop. He managed to swing one leg over the camel and turned so we were facing each other completely. Pushing a lock of hair behind my ear, he said, “I won’t judge you, Perky. Not ever. I give you my word.”
His eyes were filled with sincerity. I truly believed he meant it.
“And I’m here for you if you want to talk about Lucy. Anytime, anywhere. Even when this trip is over.” My heart squeezed thinking it wasn’t long now, the end of the road was coming near.
Carter kissed my forehead and then wrapped me in a tight embrace. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
Apparently, Fouad decided we were done with our little heart to heart. He started walking again, forcing Carter to swing back around and face forward. For the rest of the ride, I kept my arms wrapped around him from behind and did what I’d done since the first time I followed this man—held on tight.
“YEAH, WELL, THERE’S A FIRST time for everything.” Carter was talking on the phone when I walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel after my shower. We’d spent the entire day alternating between sitting outside in the desert, eating traditional Arabic meals, and listening to Carter’s friend Amari tell stories of the changes in Dubai over the last twenty years. In between, we snuck in snuggle time in our room. Now the sun had set, and I’d just scrubbed an inch of sand from my scalp. “Give me fifteen, and let me talk to my woman.” Carter hung up and tossed his phone on the bed.
“Your woman?” I looked over my shoulder to the right and then to the left and teased, “You have a woman you own around here somewhere?”
Even though he was standing on the other side of the room, the way Carter was looking at me made my body warm. The towels weren’t very long, and my smallish breasts were pushed up and popping out the top. “I’d like to own you. You keep standing there much longer in that little rinky-dink towel, and you’re going to feel how much you own me in about two seconds.”
