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The corners of my lips spread wide. “Yes. It was the day I broke my arm. I was so scared, and drawing those circles was the only thing that calmed me. It still calms me.”

“I could tell, which is why I let you keep doing it.”

Our eyes are locked on our intertwined hands. “Why do you bring it up?” I ask.

It takes a few seconds before Easton replies, but when he does, the gravel in his voice nearly splits my heart in two. “Because that was also the day I knew I’d always show up when you needed me, Lennon. But I’ve been a shitty friend for the past ten years, so consider this arrangement me trying to make amends.”

“I—I haven’t been much better.”

The shared responsibility of the demise of our friendship lies between us. But at least we’re making progress.

He smirks as we meet each other’s eyes finally. “Guess we have some time to make up for then…”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“It’s important that we make this appear as believable as possible, though, Lennon,” he adds. “I don’t want my boss to get suspicious, or people to question whether it’s real.” Holding up his left hand, he shows me the black band now encircling his ring finger.

“You never did do anything half-ass,” I tease while feeling guilty that I didn’t buy him his ring. But my brain has been such mush that rings were the last thing on my mind. Thank God Easton thought of that.

He releases my hand before leaning back on his palms, his arms supporting him. “I could say the same about you. Remember when we used to lie out here and you’d tell me about all the places you wanted to travel instead of going straight to college?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you did that, right?”

“I mean, not everywhere I wanted to go, but I made it to a lot of them.”

He glances over at me. “You saw more of the world than most people our age. You’re not the type of person to half-ass shit either, Lennon.”

His compliment silences some of the doubt I’ve been feeling about my life choices recently. “Let’s see if I can get through the end of nursing school first, shall we? Lord knows having a baby in the midst of that was not in my plans.”

He lays his hand on top of mine resting on the tailgate, his touch reassuring even though I fight to enjoy it. The more I can remind myself that this situation is platonic, the better off we’ll both be when it ends. “You know, if you need to wait and finish next year, it’s not the end of the world either.”

I stare down at the ground. “I know, but I really don’t want to. I can do this, I’m just going to need to be strategic about it.”

“If there’s anyone who can handle this, it’s you, Lennon. Okay?”

Twisting to face him, I find him staring at me. “Thank you.”

“Damn, that’s three times you’ve told me that now. Careful, or my ego might burst.”

Shoving him from the side, I let his laughter die down before speaking again. “Do you remember sitting out here telling me about how much money you were going to make once we graduated so you could buy a house?”

“Yeah, and I made that happen. I did it by twenty-two.”

“At twenty-two, I was working at a bar down in Key West.”

“That must have been fun.”

“It was,” I say through a smile, thinking back to the memories I have of that time. White sand beaches, crystal clear turquoise water, and very little to worry about. “It was carefree. I had no responsibilities.” My eyes dip down to my stomach. “Looks like that’s about to change.”

“It’s going to be okay, Lennon.” Easton’s voice breaks through my mental turmoil. “You’re allowed to be scared and still want this baby, you know.”

The truth is, I’m still struggling with what I’m feeling about my impending motherhood role.

Fear and excitement feel very similar, so sometimes it’s hard to know which is which.

“I do want this baby. I’m just not sure I’ll ever feel ready.”