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Who the Heart Chooses

Page 144

by Harlow James

“Yeah. I don’t care where we go. I just want to spend some time with you away from everything. I know you have finals coming up, but two days away might just be what you need to clear your head and focus again once we get back.”

Glancing over my shoulder at my textbooks on the table that I haven’t touched tonight, I don’t feel as guilty about not studying as I thought I would. In fact, I almost feel grounded, like I’m finding a balance between where I want to be and where I am. Although, I am ahead right now, so that helps.

Despite how spontaneous I was before nursing school, this is the first time I feel like I’m truly living in the moment—even more than when I traveled the country.

And that thought makes me really fucking proud of myself for once.

“I think you’re right. It will be good for us,” I say, getting more excited by the second.

“I agree. And I think it’s important we try to have some fun while you’re still feeling energetic. In a few weeks, that third trimester is gonna hit and you’re gonna feel exhaustion again.”

“I know. I’m not looking forward to it.”

“Has she been moving around some more?”

“Oh yeah, especially when I’m on rotation at the hospital. I’ll be in the middle of helping a patient and she kicks me, just to remind me that she’s in there.”

Easton laughs. “Can I talk to her through the phone?”

“What?”

“I don’t want her to forget my voice. I want her to know who her dad is.”

“Easton…” Emotion swells inside me, and if I wasn’t already in love with him in this new way, those words would seal the deal. Then doubt creeps in, and I can’t stop what follows. “I hate that she’s not really yours…”

The second the words leave my lips, I can’t help the guilt that rolls through me. I don’t want him to doubt us, but I can’t keep this truth inside any longer.

“Lennon, that detail doesn’t fucking matter to me. Not one bit. She’s part of you, and you’re one of my favorite people on this planet.” Tears fill my eyes. “That baby girl will always be mine, no matter what happens between us. I will never let her feel less than enough. She’ll have a man who loves her no matter what and protects her like I protect you. I’ll make damn sure of that. I promise.”

“I don’t deserve you…” I whisper as a tear slides down my cheek.

“Yes, you do. You deserve a man who puts you and your daughter first. I may not have had that example as a kid, but I’m going to do my damn best to become the example I wish I’d had.”

“It’s amazing to me that you’ve become the man you are without your father around.”

“Honestly? I wasn’t without role models. I had coaches and teachers to look up to. Hell, your dad mentored me in a lot of ways. And I had Owen. He said we weren’t missing much by not having our father around, and I trust him.”

“Do you wish things were different, then?” I ask. “I’ve always had two loving parents. I can’t imagine what having only one was like.”

“My mother made sure there was never a shortage of love and guidance for me and Owen, so no, Lennon. I don’t wish it were different. I wouldn’t be who I am today if things had panned out any other way.”

“Do you think you would be willing to have that conversation with this little girl one day if she wanted to look for Adam?” I ask, shaking from my fear, but needing to hear his response.

“Adam…that’s his name?”

“Um, yeah.”

“You never told me that.”

I move my fingers across my stomach, staring down at my bump with enough anxiety to make me shiver. “I know, but that’s because it isn’t important. He isn’t important anymore.”

“Do you want me around long enough for that conversation to happen?” he counters.

“I don’t think that would be so terrible.”

“Wow. Such a heartfelt response.”

I laugh, but there’s emotion lurking behind it. “Easton…”