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“Thank you.” The tightness in my chest eases a little. The deeper I get into this marriage and pregnancy, the more I understand exactly what Ginny means.

But that’s not all that’s bothering me. I scan the hall for listening ears, lower my voice, and admit what I haven’t said aloud. “I’m also scared Easton will change his mind about wanting to be there for me and the baby.”

Ginny’s brows draw together even further. “What? Where on earth did that come from?”

“I don’t know. But at the doctor’s office last Friday, he called himself ‘Daddy’ while he was talking to the baby, and it reminded me that he’s not.” Dread settles in my stomach again. “This baby isn’t his, Ginny. I know he said he’d be there for us, but what if he changes his mind? What if he sees her after she’s born, knows she isn’t biologically his, and can’t accept her as his own?”

“Hey…hey…” She strokes the top of my hand as a tear slides down my cheek. “Take a deep breath, okay?” I follow her advice and Ginny waits until I’ve inhaled a few times before continuing. “Have you talked to him about how you’re feeling?”

“No. I don’t want to cause a fight when he’s done nothing to trigger this anxiety. I can’t even remember the last time we argued, and I sure as hell don’t want to create a problem where there isn’t one.”

“Yeah, but if it is bothering you this much, you need to talk about it with him, Lennon.”

“I know.” My hand finds my stomach, smoothing across the bump that’s growing bigger with each passing day. “But he’s out of town this week, so the last thing I want to do is bring it up over the phone.”

It’s only Tuesday, but after one night alone in that house, I’m dying for him to come home.

I wasn’t sure how I would feel without him there. Part of me wanted relief, if only to prove to myself that I’m not growing as attached to him as I feel.

But I felt the opposite of relief.

All I feel is need and longing for him to return.

God, I’ve fallen for him and now I’m terrified that I’ve made a mistake yet again.

Ginny nods, pulling my focus back to her. “Yeah, that’s probably a better conversation to have face-to-face.”

“Exactly.”

She leans back and lowers her voice. “I’m sorry, Lennon. I wish I could tell you what to do, but you’re in uncharted territory. You married your best friend for health insurance while pregnant with another man’s baby, found out that your best friend has always wanted to be with you, and now you’re sleeping with him and clearly trying to understand all of your feelings about it, while impending motherhood is hanging over your head. Oh, and you’re trying to finish nursing school before your vagina is ripped in half.”

I blink a few times. “Are you trying to make me cry again?”

She laughs. “No. I’m just saying…you’re going through a lot. Give yourself some grace, and don’t put too much pressure on where you are right now. I don’t doubt how Easton feels about you, but I’m only a spectator in your relationship.”

“Yeah, it is a lot. I think I’m just spiraling a little bit because so much feels out of my control.”

“It is. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t handle it.”

I want to believe her. I want to nod and assure myself that I can handle this next chapter of my life.

But I think it all became so much more real after that doctor’s appointment on Friday.

Ginny is right though. This entire situation is so complex that it’s making my mind spin in circles.

I’m so fixated on all of the factors that I can’t control that it’s preventing me from focusing on the here and now.

But maybe this is all part of coming to terms with this new chapter of my life, the reality that the world as I knew it doesn’t exist anymore.

But I can choose what the next version of my life looks like.

I guess I just need to decide if I’m willing to let myself be happy for once, and trust that everything is exactly as it should be.

***

“Lennon! How’s it going? This is a pleasant surprise.” Sloane answers the phone cheerily.

“It’s going. Sorry, I know it’s kind of late, but are you busy?”