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Who the Heart Chooses

Page 133

by Harlow James

“Is that how you felt without Dad around?”

His question catches me off guard, but I can’t deny it stirs up something inside of me.

Is that why I work my ass off? To feel like enough?

Is that why I take responsibility for everyone else? Because I felt like it became my responsibility?

And is that why I protect those close to me? Because I felt like there wasn’t a man in my life who did the same for me?

“I—I don’t know, Owen. But now that I have the chance to create the life I didn’t have for someone else, I don’t want to fuck it up.”

“I can’t believe you think that you will,” my brother declares.

“I guess I just feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“I get it. That’s natural. The hard part is letting yourself be happy, Easton. I’m still learning that too. It’s taken me thirty-two years to get here, but I’m not dead yet, so there’s still time, right?”

“Where did this wisdom come from all of a sudden?”

He laughs. “Let’s just say I’ve finally decided to start working on my shit. I’ve been in therapy for a few months, actually.”

“Damn, Owen. Good for you.”

“Oh, and Sabrina is helping.”

I laugh. “The teacher?”

“Yup. Fuck, bro. I’m in trouble.”

Nodding, I say, “I know the feeling.”

“Then just try to live in the moment, Easton. If the fallout is inevitable, you’ll pick yourself up and dust yourself off like you always do because there’s no other option. But honestly? I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen with you and Lennon. You two have always belonged together. Now, you just have to let yourself enjoy it.”

Yeah, big brother. Easier said than done.

***

“Your baby is being shy.” Dr. Monogan has the probe pressed against Lennon’s stomach, moving it around to try to get a peek between the little one’s legs.

“They were moving all night, so of course they don’t want to move right now.” Lennon stares at the monitor intently.

I lean close to Lennon’s bump. “Come on, little firefly. Show Mommy and Daddy what you’re hiding—or not hiding—in there.”

Lennon’s stomach bounces with laughter. When I look up at her, she’s smiling at me with such ease that I fall even more in love with her in this moment.

How on earth did I think marrying her wouldn’t stir up all the feelings I’ve been harboring for her?

I guess I was just a fucking fool for thinking otherwise.

“Oh! Try talking to the baby again,” Dr. Monogan says. “We’re getting some movement.”

I focus on Lennon’s bump and consider what to say. “Did you know Daddy is building you a deck?” I stroke the part of her stomach that isn’t covered in gel. “And once it’s done, I’m getting your mommy a rocking chair so we can sit outside with you.”

Lennon gasps and I look up at her to find tears in her eyes.

“We have a good look now!” Dr. Monogan declares, pointing at the screen. “Looks like your daughter really liked the idea of the deck.”

My smile drops as I stare at the screen where the doctor is pointing. “It’s a girl?”