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When she releases me, her brow pinches as she studies me. “Honey, nothing you do in this life or the next would change how much I love you or make me think you’re a screw-up. You’re my daughter, Lennon. But more importantly, you’re human. Mistakes are part of the gig, kid. No one wants to make them, but without them, we aren’t truly living.”
“But all I do is make mistakes.”
“Says who?” Her gaze searches my face. “Where the hell is this coming from?”
I blow out a breath and wipe beneath my eyes. “Me. I feel like a failure, like I should know better, do better, be better…”
“Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but the only person making you feel that way is you, honey.” I blink away fresh tears. “Have your father and I ever told you that or done anything to make you feel that way?”
My entire childhood flashes before me. “No…”
“Then, sweetie, the story you’re telling yourself is creating these feelings. You’re the one in control of your thoughts. You and only you.”
My jaw tightens as emotion swells inside me. “I’m just so angry, Mom.”
“Why?” Her gaze is so tender, it nearly rips me in two.
“Because this isn’t how this was supposed to go.”
“What? Life?”
“Yes. And the nursing program…”
“Honey, no one controls what life hands us. The only thing we control is how we react. And I may be biased because you’re my child, but I’d say you’re doing a damn good job.”
Shaking my head, I say, “How can you say that? I got pregnant by a man I barely knew, married my friend for health insurance, and now I’m rushing to finish school before I have this baby while wondering if I’ve really been in love with Easton this entire time?”
My mother giggles, catching me completely off guard. “Damn. What a ride. That sounds like fun!”
“Fun? I know you’re trying to make me laugh, but it doesn’t feel funny to me, Mom. I finally decided what I wanted to do with my life, and then I got pregnant. This is the opposite of fun.”
She grows serious again. “Look, I know you won’t understand what I meant by fun, but I’ll try to explain. Every obstacle you’re facing is another turn in the road. You can’t see far enough ahead to know whether your destination is there, waiting for you. Yet the further you get down the road and the more turns you take, the more the anticipation builds, and there’s still uncertainty. Is this the right path? Should I turn around? But you might be one turn away from getting where you want to go. Once you arrive, you’ll look back with pride at how you handled the uncertainty—how you handled the ride.”
My mother always did have a way with words, yet my doubts still linger. “What if I don’t finish school before the baby is born, Mom? What if I have no idea what I’m doing when the baby gets here? What if Easton and I…”
She leans closer and takes my hand. “Okay, take a breath, please.” I shut my mouth and take the deepest breath I can. “Good. Now, instead of filling your mind with what-ifs, we’re gonna change those two words.”
“What do you mean?”
“Instead of ‘what if,’ change it to ‘even if.’”
My mind starts spinning. “Okay…”
“Even if you don’t finish the program before the baby comes, you can still finish later, right?”
“Yes…”
“And even if you don’t know what you’re doing when it comes to having a baby, you can still learn, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And even if Easton isn’t the father of this baby and you got married as friends, does that mean you couldn’t become more?”
That statement makes me anxious again. “Well…”
Mom leans back in her chair but keeps my hand in hers. “Let me ask you this: Does this thing between you two have an end date?”
“We agreed to two years, but…”