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I’m practicing not saying I’m fine. So… tired, emotionally drained, feeling like I made a bit of a fool of myself today.

I snorted so loudly, an elderly woman at the next table shot me a look. I ignored her.

Don’t be silly. Of course you didn’t. Anyone would be a wreck in those circumstances. You handled it better than I would have.

That’s sweet of you to say.

I glanced toward the restroom door. Still closed. I told myself not to ask. Then did it anyway. Did you find your fun?

The cursor blinked. Paused. And then blinked again. The pause was long enough that I knew he’d been debating a lie.

I went home. Did some cleaning. The place was a mess. So, no, not fun. But it feels apt to declutter my flat at the same time as my brain. How’s your date? It can’t be over already.

Relief slammed into me, ill-judged and entirely inappropriate, but no less real for it.

“Everything alright?” Glenn asked as he sat back down.

I slid my phone back into my pocket without replying and resolved to give Glenn my full attention. My phone vibrated a couple of times, but I exercised enormous powers of restraint by ignoring it.

We talked about books and films, discovering shared tastes. Glenn was a skilled conversationalist with an entire arsenal of amusing anecdotes at his disposal that he knew exactly how to deploy to best effect.

But he wasn’t Baxter.

Which should have been a good thing, I told myself. Glenn didn’t come with baggage. He couldn’t read my mind. He hadn’t died and come back to life. At least, it was safe to assume he hadn’t. It was funny how quickly I’d grown to accept both of those facts about Baxter. I almost couldn’t imagine him without it. They were part and parcel of him.

The evening wound down naturally, pleasant companionship carrying us out onto the pavement where we lingered, talking.

I couldn’t blame Glenn for leaning in. It was the obvious next step. I also couldn’t blame him for looking disappointed when I instinctively stepped back.

“It’s not… I can’t… Shit.”

Glenn’s cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry. I read the signals wrong.”

“You didn’t. Don’t apologize. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

He deserved an explanation. But how did you explain something so bizarre it sounded made up? It would sound like there was something going on between me and Baxter, which there wasn’t. Right?

Something must have shown on my face, Glenn nodding as he stepped back. “There’s someone else.”

“Yes. No. Sort of. It’s complicated. He’s got… stuff going on.” Understatement of the day.

“Is he nice?” Glenn laughed at my expression. “That should be a simple question.”

“There’s nothing simple about Baxter.”

“Baxter.” Glenn said the name like he was tasting it on his tongue, and had found it to be sour. “Good to put a name to the other man.”

“’Other man’ is a bit dramatic. This is only our second date.”

Glenn nodded. “I bet he’s younger and hotter.”

“I told you. Complicated.”

His laugh lacked humor. “Which isn’t a no.”

A few awkward seconds passed. Guilt had me breaking the silence. “At least I told you. I could’ve just kissed you.”

His lips twitched. “I’m not sure I’d have complained.”

I took a step back. “I hope we can still be friends.” It sounded so clichéd that I hurried to add more. “I’ll probably look back on this day and regret it, if that helps.”

Glenn tilted his head, studying me. “I hope you don’t. I hope you and… Baxter manage to uncomplicate things.”

“So do I.”