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“I’d like to present my appeal information. The first page lists demographic statistics about the residents including the number of residents of Pine Bluff over drinking age. Next is a listing of other establishments where alcohol is available, and a chart of the hours those establishments are open. Then there are links to studies showing the impact of teaching responsible drinking to younger people versus making alcohol off limits. The rest of the packet includes letters of support from the mayor, the police chief, the town doctor, the head of the Parent Teacher Association, the pastor at our church, and several local businesses including all my neighboring businesses on this block.”
I thumbed through the stack, impressed at the work she’d done. The packet was easily twenty pages, with chart and graphs.
“You’ve done your homework I see.”
She looked pleased. “Yes, I have.”
I dropped the packet on the table. “I’m still not comfortable approving this application.”
Her face fell, and for a moment she looked like I’d kicked her puppy. If she had a puppy, anyway.
“Wait a minute. You haven’t even read the information I just gave you,” she pointed out. “You can’t just dismiss me out of hand without reviewing anything. I spent a lot of time putting that information together for you to demonstrate my suitability for a liquor license.”
“I’m sure you are very competent Ms. Delaney. But I don’t need to review your little packet to know that adding another alcohol-serving establishment to this town is a bad idea.”
Even I could hear the asshole tone in my voice.
“How dare you? You don’t know anything about this town or my vision for this café.” Liz’s face flushed, and her blue-green eyes flashed with anger. “The denial letter specifically stated that this site visit was the chance to present all the pertinent information and local support in order to show that the business would not be detrimental to the surrounding town.”
“Letters from your pastor and friends mean nothing to me. Do you have any idea what alcohol does to a small community like this?” I asked. “It leads to increases in domestic violence, drug addiction, fetal alcohol syndrome, DUI...”
I stopped as the front door slammed open, bringing in a blast of cold air. I realized that the wind had picked up, making it hard to see my car through the window. A tiny older lady bustled in, covered in an enormous pink puffy coat that went all the way to the top of her boots, and an animal-themed hat that looked like she was wearing a grizzly bear on her head. I’d never seen a hat like that on an adult.
“Hi Liz, whatcha doing?”
The woman took off her coat and hat, revealing a snow white bob and a bright yellow tracksuit that looked like something she’d stolen from Big Bird.
“Hi Evelyn. I’m sorry but I can’t talk right now. I’m in an important meeting.” Liz nodded in my direction.
Evelyn ignored her, striding up to me and sticking out one tiny, wrinkled hand. “I’m Evelyn Davis, who are you, young man?”
I stood up and shook her hand, careful not to crush her bones. She looked like a stiff wind would break her to bits.
“I’m Nathan Holly. I work for the county’s licensing bureau.”
She stared at me for a long moment, then turned to Liz.
“You know who he reminds me of? That guy from that show about the law firm.”
“The Practice?”
“No, the one with the dark haired lawyer fella that looked just like this guy, and there was a husky gal on the show, and another girl that looked like she never ate more than a grape, remember? They took all the weird cases. It was dark and funny at the same time.”
“That’s The Practice,” Liz explained.
“No, it’s the one that was on years ago. It was set in Boston, and they sometimes worked with that other law firm show, the one with Captain Kirk playing a lawyer. And the dark-haired guy wanted to date Ally McBeal.”
“You’re thinking of The Practice, Evelyn. And you’re right, Mr. Holly does kind of look like Dylan McDermott.”
Evelyn looked at me again, her gaze scrutinizing, and I resisted the urge to squirm. I had no idea what the hell they were talking about, but I really needed to move this meeting along so I could get home before the blizzard got worse. It was snowing like crazy out there.
“Help yourself to some coffee Evelyn, I just need to finish my meeting with Mr. Holly.”
Evelyn wandered off to the counter and Liz turned back to me.
“Getting back to my application, as you can see if you’d actually read the letters of support I just gave you, both the chief of police and our town doctor have certified that we have much lower rates of alcohol abuse here in Pine Bluff compared to the general population. We haven’t had a DUI arrest in years. And this isn’t a bar, it’s a café that will serve cocktails, which is a very different model for consumption.”
“I’m sure your café will be just as successful without serving alcohol Ms. Delaney,” I responded. “If your food is good and your business model is sound you’ll do well without adding cocktails. Serving liquor is totally unnecessary and in fact is quite detrimental.”
