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What first drew me to him was the sadness in his eyes. The quiet loneliness he carries so naturally that I wonder if he even realizes it’s there. It seems woven into his every fiber, and is as much a part of him as the ink on his skin and the sharp edges of his personality.

I recognized it as soon as his gaze clashed with mine.

Perhaps that’s what frightens me most.

Because I know what it means to build walls so high that you eventually forget what you’re protecting.

I also know what it’s like to make loneliness feel like a choice.

And after he let me inside his heart by telling me all about his mother, I was fully convinced that he understands those things, too.

That beneath all his sarcasm and moody attitude, there’s a part of him that has been waiting for someone to see past the armor and stay.

Just as I’ve spent years hoping no one ever would.

It’s an impossible thought, I know it. Yet there’s something achingly familiar about him, something I can’t explain.

It’s as though some part of me recognized him long before I ever learned his name.

Stephen rolls his eyes at something one of the photographers says, his expression suggesting the man has just uttered the stupidest shit imaginable.

A small laugh escapes me before I can hide it and Stephen looks up immediately.

And when he sees me smiling, his irritation melts into a small smile.

There it is.

The smile that makes him look softer, younger, almost boyish beneath all the black and all the hurt. The same one that makes me want to discover every other version of him that the world never gets to see.

My lips curve a little more.

He looks at me with a heat I’ve never cared to feel before. Not from any other man at least.

Infuriating, beautiful man.

I shake my head, but I can’t stop smiling.

And suddenly, I’m terrified.

Not of him.

But of how much I want to stay here with him. Of how something as simple as his smile can make me forget every reason I’ve ever had for keeping people at a distance. Of how the thought of leaving him feels like losing something I haven’t even had the courage to name.

My heart has been silent and frozen for years.

I’ve grown comfortable with its quietness and the cold. I’ve built an entire life around never needing anyone enough to melt and risk being hurt.

But somewhere between Stephen’s moodiness, his unexpected gentleness, and the way he looks at me as though I’m worth all the gold in the world, something inside me has begun to change.

For the first time in years, I’m not wondering how to keep my heart frozen.

I’m wondering what it would feel like to let it thaw.

group chat

Zymon: (Photo of Stephen standing off-camera during the photoshoot, completely oblivious to the world around him as he watches Artemis next to the white horse. He’s looking at her as if he’s never seen something more beautiful.)

Kozo: Fuck. Our boy’s gone.