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I’ve never even liked guys.
That’s the thing. I’m not against it. My best friends are as gay as it gets. I mean, I’ve walked in on Dimitri doing things I’ve had to scrub out of my head with steel wool. But I’ve never been attracted to a man. Was I? Have I been? Isn’t that a thing I would have noticed?
I’m walking down the street and, for the sake of science, I look at a guy’s ass. I wait. I assess. I give it every possible opportunity to impress me. Nothing. Not even a fucking courtesy twitch. Excellent. Mystery solved.
Rei hits my arm. “Were you just checking that guy out?”
I drag my mouth off the straw of my boba milk. “I was trying to see if I could get my dick to wake up for it. It’s a fail. Zero out of ten. It’s dead down there.”
He looks at me, mildly horrified. “Do you like men too?”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out, Rai.”
He takes an insulting sip of his sugar-free boba, which is genuinely disgusting, by the way. I don’t care what anyone says. And then he asks it straight. “Is there someone you like?”
I think about it. Then I give him the truthful but heavily curated version. “Let’s say me and this man. This very annoying man. Have been doing things.”
Rei raises a brow. “Things.”
“If you want the summary, sure. He sucked my dick.”
Rei turns pink and takes another sip. There’s a suspiciously long pause before he finally asks, “And you liked it?”
I shrug on reflex. “No.”
His expression changes completely. Whatever teasing curiosity had been there vanishes, replaced by something much more serious. His brows knit together, and he lowers his drink slightly. “Was it against your will?”
I open my mouth and then close it.
Because, was it? I’d like to say it was, but it wasn’t. The fucker even gave me a safe word and made it pretty fucking clear I could use it. Which is, frankly, terrible news for my carefully constructed denial.
I shake my head. “No. Not like that. I didn’t agree to it in advance, but I guess I liked it.”
Rei nods, like he knows exactly what I’m describing. “Oh. I know what you mean.”
I arch a brow. “You do?” Then I remember who his boyfriend is. “Of course you do.”
“Mm.” Rei sips. “So. It’s just this one guy you like?”
“I don’t like him. I like the things he does. There’s a difference. It’s a whole separate category.”
“Okay. Then maybe you should explore it a little. Find out if this is actually for you.”
I chew on my bottom lip as he adds, gently, “If you do like guys, would you get in trouble? With your family?”
“Well. The Bratva isn’t fond of it, so probably. But it’s not like I’m going to end up with a man anyway. Especially not him.” I gesture with my cup. “This is just for fun. A seasonal interest.”
“If you say so.”
The conversation drifts afterward. “Dimitri said you’re going to Japan with him soon. Right?”
Rei’s whole face lights up at the mention. He doesn’t even try to hide it, which is nice on him. “Yes!” He’s got both hands around his cup, and he’s bouncing one foot against the pavement. “I’m going to show him where I grew up with Kento.”
No matter how hard I try to steer the conversation somewhere, anywhere, somehow that name keeps crawling its way back in. And because I’m apparently a fucking idiot, I entertain it.
“So you and Kento. You two are close?”
“We used to be.”
