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Kento lets his hand fall away cleanly. He doesn’t even bother addressing anything I said. “Goodnight, Ilya.”

He turns, pushes the door open, and steps out into the dark.

And I want to end myself, because I have never seen him that defeated before. He didn’t even throw a usual flirty remark at me.

Did I really hurt him?

Little Prince

Hi, Mommy!

I met my brother.

The one I told you about. He’s really nice!

I was scared before he came. I didn’t say that in the last letter because I wanted to sound brave, but I was scared. I thought maybe he wouldn’t like me, or maybe he would look at me and decide I was too loud, or too strange, or too small. I practiced being good all morning. I even hid my knives so Alya wouldn’t make that face. I also combed my hair twice. It still stuck up. I think my hair is against me.

He’s older than me. He has a smile that makes Papa look different. When he said hello, I forgot the speech I made up in my head and just stared like an idiot. He didn’t get mad. He laughed a little and ruffled my hair. Nobody except you and Alya does that. His hand was warm. I decided right then that I like him.

I call him Toni.

I tried it out loud three times so I wouldn’t forget. Toni. Toni. Toni. It fits in my mouth better. Alya says it’s cute. Toni pretended he didn’t like it, but his ears went pink, so I think he does.

He plays with me so much, Mama.

He played with me the first day, and the second day, and yesterday too. He let me show him the garden and the spot where I talk to you. I told him that place is important. He didn’t laugh. He just stood there with me for a while, and he didn’t step on the little stones I lined up. I think that means he understood.

He also let me talk. You know I talk too much when I’m happy. I told him about cartoons and sweets and Alya and you. I told him you were the prettiest and that your laugh was better than Papa’s voice. He listened to the whole thing. He even asked what your favorite sweet was. I said the raspberry ones, because those are mine too.

Today he let me sit on the floor while he read, and I put my head on his knee like a cat. He didn’t push me off. He tapped my forehead once and said, “You’re sticky.” I was. I had candy. I offered him one. He took it. That means we’re friends now. Officially.

So I really like him.

I do.

I promise.

Although I’m a bit jealous.

Papa seems to spend more time with him than with me. A lot more. They sit together. They talk. Papa even laughs. I didn’t know Papa could laugh like that anymore. It’s a happy smile. A real one. He doesn’t give me those.

I don’t know why.

I tried to think if I did something wrong. I brushed my teeth. I didn’t shout. I didn’t call anyone any bad names, even when I wanted to. I stayed in my room when I was told. I still didn’t get that smile. Toni got two before breakfast. I counted.

Maybe Papa just missed having an older son. Maybe Toni knows how to talk like a grown-up and I still talk like a kid. Maybe I have to wait my turn. I can wait. I’m good at waiting. I waited for you at the door for months.

I just wish Papa would look at me like that once.

But it’s okay! I really like my brother.

If Toni stays, I think the house will be less quiet. I already saved him the biggest sweet for tomorrow. Don’t tell Alya. She’ll say I’m showing off. I’m not. I’m just being a good little brother.

Your little sun, Ilya

Ilya

A few days later, I sit on Alexei’s couch and start opening the sweets I brought.