Page 66

I forced a casual shrug and immediately regretted it. “Maybe he had to run an errand for the club.” The lie tasted bitter. “Come on, we need to go if I’m going to make my first appointment.”

We climbed into the car. Kinsley, who normally was everywhere, decided today would be a good day to laser focus on me. I looked out the window, trying to distance myself.

“Bella, what’s wrong? You and Pasha didn’t speak to one another this morning. He was really upset last night, but wouldn’t share. I thought maybe you two were—”

“We aren’t.”

She blinked, and for once remained quiet. That was worse than the one hundred and one questions I expected. I shifted nervously, catching Marcus’s gaze in the rear-view.

“Look, we aren’t a good fit. I know you want us to be, but you can’t force a square peg in a round hole. He has his life and I have mine. We’re too different,” I lied, hating the words as they fell from my lips.

Mortification crept through my entire body, heating it. My thoughts scattered for something concrete to say or a way to steer the conversation away from this topic.

More silence and then she crossed her arms. She cocked her head to the side reading me like an open book. I swallowed hard, fighting the rising nausea.

“Fine, not that I have to answer to you—”

“Is that what you think I’m doing? Forcing you to answer me? Never mind then. I thought we were closer than that. I’ll leave you alone.”

She blinked away tears and pulled out her earbuds. I reached out and touched her arm.

“We are close. This is so stupid.”

She bristled. Whatever softness had been there vanished, and I panicked.

“He’s too far into the lifestyle, okay?” I practically screamed.

Kinsley flinched hard, as if I smacked her across the face. Marcus cleared his throat loudly. Our eyes met once more. Damn it all to hell. I was royally screwing this up. I reached out and touched her hand.

“I’m sorry. Look, he’s into that whole power exchange thing and I know you are, too. And that’s fine. It’s just not me. I won’t ask him to give it up. He shouldn’t have to. It was what caused all the issues with Hannah, remember?”

Finally, her expression softened, and she reached out a hand and squeezed mine. “That’s fair and understandable. I’m sorry either way. Please, know I’m here for you, no matter what.”

A raw burning sensation climbed my throat, threatening to spill out in words I couldn’t say.

“You can always talk to me. I love you now and forever. To the moon and back. Hell, to the ends of the universe and back. I love you, my sweet sister.”

I had to look away before I lost it entirely. There is no way she would feel the same if she knew the truth. The windshield blurred as the rain fell.

“Izzy B, I’m serious,” she said, rocking her shoulder into mine.

“I know you are. Thank you,” I managed.

We rode in silence, and she changed the playlist, picking one of Pasha’s. That only made me more emotional. It took everything in me not to crack wide open. I focused on the passing buildings outside the window and counted the traffic lights.

She sensed my emotional turmoil like only a true sister could and reached out her hand once more. This time she just held mine, and I took as much comfort and strength from it as I could.

One foot in front of the other, I reminded myself. It’s the only way to get through it.

Sunlight streamed through the tall windows of the studio, stretching across the polished floor as I adjusted the sound system for the third time. The music was already queued. The water bottles were lined up along the wall. Everything sat exactly where it belonged.

I double checked them anyway. Anything to keep moving and avoid thinking about the shitstorm of my life. Students filtered in one by one. Shoes squeaked against the floor. Someone laughed near the mirrors.

Normally, that energy would have made the chaos inside me fall into place. Today, it only grated on my nerves. It wasn’t long before the stretching and warm-ups were complete.

“Positions,” I called.

The word echoed through the room. Bodies immediately shifted into place. And I began the first combination. Kinsley and I were teaching together today. Ballroom.