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At the sound of my name on his lips, I pressed mine together.

“Neither am I. Even now, I want to hurt you. I want to make you choke on those stupid things you just said. But beyond that… I want to speak with you. A real conversation. Without lies.”

“But why? Wasn’t I suffocating you? Didn’t you want me to go to hell? What changed now?”

Hearing his sudden anger, I flinched.

“You still remember? Every word I said?”

The sorrow on his face shifted into something deeper, more wounded. I took that as my cue and smiled.

“Oh… you’re really a poor man. Do my words still echo in your mind? Did I break your heart so badly you swore off women?”

“No one can break me.”

“Oh, of course. If you say so.”

“Mina.”

“Raymond.” I replied, my forehead creasing, my eyes grew serious. “I don’t know if you even want to hear this, but I’m sorry. Truly, sorry. I don’t care what you think of me now, but back then, I was young and foolish, too. And if you’ll let me, I’d like to-”

“Enough. Stop that.” I immediately fell silent. “I don’t wish to hear such things.”

I stared long at him. The ghost had haunted my mind for years was standing right in front of me, alive and well, with only pain in his eyes. In the cold street, like a shadow blending into the darkness inside his usual black jacket. The adult Raymond had always devoted himself to the darkness; he didn’t belong to the sky like Little Remi. I could no longer sense that freedom in his eyes. The person who was once as delicate and beautiful as the butterflies I admired was gone. A gust of wind blew his black hair across his forehead. And once more, I was standing on a high hill, in the middle of a graveyard.

I won’t give you a grave in the sky. I won’t let you fly to places I cannot reach. If necessary, I’ll break your wings, so you’ll never leave me.

He closed his eyes slowly as I blew smoke into his face. Seeing his surrender, I felt my lost courage return.

“What do you wish to hear, then?”

His eyes opened at my whisper. “Maybe the reason why show up after all this time just to bring up the past?”

“Past?” I let out a dry laugh. “Are the clones in your house also part of this ‘past’?”

“Mina—”

“No, Raymond. You don’t get to tell me you’ve moved on when you’ve turned your house into a goddamn temple of my replicas. I’m not stupid.”

He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. He locked eyes with the fire in my gaze, took a steadying breath, and finally spoke.

“You’re right. I couldn’t… move on. But I’m trying. You should do the same.”

“Oh, me?” I crossed my arms, lifting my chin. “You think it’s hard for me or something? I had regrets, I still have; I admit it. But I didn’t make clones of you and kiss them. You’re the one who can’t forget—”

“Unfortunately, that’s not the case.”

He sauntered toward me, his face was calm as always, his tone soft.

“You think I still love you? That I can’t forget you? Then please, explain why I didn’t come to you for all these years.”

“I…” I wonder this too.

“The day you left me, it was over for us. But I was young, Mina. I couldn’t overcome you. I couldn’t find myself, even though everything is long gone, I couldn’t fill the void.”

“You… can fill it now?”

“You were my first love.” My face winced at the sound of ‘were’. “So you can’t expect me to stop loving you overnight. Creating copies of you… is a terrible act, I’m aware. Yet it calmed my mind. It wasn’t the right way to heal, but forgive me, there was no other way for a child with a damaged mind.”