Page 5

All in all, if I had a redo button, I would slam it to reset this day.

No. Scratch that. On second thought I want a time machine so I can travel back to when life wasn’t like this.

I’m sick of the unprecedented—both personally and globally. Give me precedented times, damn it. Give me happiness.

I pause, pondering how long it’s been since I could say I’ve felt true happiness.

The fact that I have to stop and think about it is proof enough that it’s been too long.

Although if I allow myself the brief indulgence of daydreaming, something, or rather someone, does come to mind when thinking of the prospect of happiness. There’s a set of thick black-framed glasses, paired with a timid smile I’d do anything to see again.

It’s been twenty years since I’ve seen the owner of that smile and glasses.

I can’t believe it’s been that long since Rennix disappeared.

It feels like it was just yesterday I was destroying him in Mario Kart. Now it’s two decades later and I’d do anything to have him next to me pouting like a sore beautiful loser.

Okay, so now that you’re all caught up on the shitfest that is my life, I’m happy to report that there is a silver lining to share. Actually, there are two.

The first one is courtesy of a text message from my other best friend, Lacey, announcing she’s coming out of the trenches of motherhood for drinks to celebrate my birthday. I wouldn’t call Lacey a replacement for Rennix. No one is. Although with her being Rennix’s older sister and us trauma bonding over losing him, we have become close over the years. In some weird and selfish way, our friendship helps me feel like I have a part of him in my life still.

The second silver lining is the meeting I’ve been waiting for what has felt like eons.

Ever since I started at Radiate Gaming I’ve been stuck in testing. Before a game is released, I play it, paying close attention to see if there are any glitches or inconsistencies that would take away from the overall quality and experience. I’m essentially a proofreader but for video games. I don’t mind my role per se. Gaming has always been a means of escape for me. But given my ability and education in development it has led to confusion as to why I was given the role of tester and not one in design in the first place.

I’m more than qualified. And now with an opening needing to be filled in the design department, I know my time has finally come. The position in design will be mine.

I can practically taste it.

“This is bullshit.”

Well aware of how that should’ve been an inner thought, I only slightly regret my outburst.

“Excuse me?” Kent adjusts his tie, offering the room drenched in stunned silence a smirk that I want nothing more than to smack off his pretty boy face.

Fuck you, Kent. I clear my throat. “What I meant to say was…” What the flying fuck. How could this be happening? Are you fucking stupid? “…this is a surprise.”

Kent meanders over to the front of the conference room. Bile rises in my throat as he leans against the oak table, smug as can be.

I don’t know how I ever fell victim to his charm. He’s a certified sleazebag.

I’m sure my ever-present grief had something to do with it. It’s not totally out of the norm for me to fill voids with vices. Mine just so happened to be his dick. And yes, I’m sure you’re curious, he is hung like a horse. But don’t get too excited. I came to realize quickly that if you have the materials but don’t know how to use them, it’s useless. And that’s exactly what he is.

If I were flexible enough, I would kick myself in the face for subjecting myself to hanging around this company for as long as I have. It was bad enough when his father, Kent Sr., was in charge. Ever since he croaked and the supreme douchebag took over, the writing has been on the wall. I was just too broke and desperate to read it.

“Are you insinuating that Ryan isn’t qualified?”

Yes, that’s exactly what I’m insinuating. If Ryan wasn’t such a nice guy and a breath of fresh air among this hellscape, I would say it right here and now. Instead, I bite my tongue. Though if I had a mirror pointed at my face, I know the resting bitch face I’m accused of having would be speaking volumes, arguing my point for me.

“No.”

“Are you sure? Because if I didn’t know any better, Natty, it seems as though you are questioning my abilities as CEO.”

My chest becomes tight as my composure begins to fray.

I do an okay job of suppressing it. That is until Kent revs it up about ten notches. Droning on and on, about how great he is and essentially how unworthy we all are to be in his presence.

Unable to take another second of this, I go in. “Oh my god, are you done?” I blurt out, only getting started. “You should provide a trigger warning to your ego-stroking session. Consent is a real thing, asshole. Not everyone wants to be subjected to your ego fuckfest.”