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“I can’t leave. There’s nothing out there for me. You…” She takes in a deep breath. And as soon as she releases it, she takes in another, and another, wanting to say more, but the quivering lip of hers has her stalled. “Why is this so fucking difficult?” Her rhetorical question is followed by more scattered breathing until she blurts, “You. You’re not out there. You’re here. And here is where I belong with…”

“Me.” Despite finishing her sentence for her, agreeing that she belongs with me, it doesn’t bring either of us the comfort we so desperately need. In a perfect world she’d be mine, without question, hesitation, or anything to stop that. But there’s no such thing as a perfect world. If there was, the events that led me to being here never would have happened.

Hope blossoms in her eyes as she hangs on the last word I said. As much as it crushes me, I can’t give her false hope.

She’s suffered enough. We both have. I move my lips to try to remedy the disaster I keep creating, but my attempt at a response is thwarted, as she shifts from one finger covering my mouth, to all her fingers over my lips.

Realizing I’m in no position to fight her, I do what I’ve always done when she has something pressing on her mind. I sit back—or in this case I stand with her blocking my airway—and let her talk it out.

“Since I’ve been here, this is honestly the happiest I’ve been since…”

I left.

I know.

Me too.

Her voice becomes hoarse, lip quivering even more now. “…a long time. I deserve to be happy. And if happiness comes in the form of walking in a loop consisting of shopping malls, arcades, and my horrendous bedroom while escaping lizards…” She shudders. “…then so be it. Jumanji was one of my favorite movies growing up. I’d like to think Robin Williams unknowingly prepared me for this very moment. And I guess Rod Serling did, too, come to think of it. So that’s final. I’m not accepting no as an answer. I’m staying here with you.”

Regret fills my lungs before I have the opportunity to take a much-needed breath when she releases her hand. I try telling her, but once again no words come out.

“Why do you keep doing that?” When I accepted the terms of the pact, I didn’t think it’d silence me like this. “Just say it, Ren. Talk to me.” I would if I could. She repeats herself and each time she speaks, her voice cracks, causing my chest to tighten and my heart to ache.

Settling for what I can say, I try to soften the blow—for both of us. “You have so much to offer the world. Staying here would jeopardize that.”

“Says who? Clearly Kent didn’t think so, otherwise I’d be higher up in the company. Obviously, I don’t think so either, since I’ve allowed myself to stay in that pointless position for far too long.”

“I do,” I interrupt her. “That’s who.”

“Yeah, well, no offense, this isn’t exactly a motivating pep talk. What? Because you believe in me I’m supposed to accept that as reason enough not to do what I want to do?” My reasoning is there even if I can’t articulate it the way I need to. However, there’s no denying that my logic seems skewed, even if it’s said with the best of intentions.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I couldn’t imagine a world where you don’t shine like I know you’re meant to.” Even if I can’t be there to witness it.

“I wish I believed in me the way you do.” Her shoulders slump, the weight of the world suddenly present on them. “Sometimes I think if this was how life was destined to turn out, I was better off⁠—”

Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare say it.

Desperation propels me forward, unable to bear hearing what I know she’s about to say. A newfound confidence guides my movements. Her hand in mine, I walk us to the control room door, fighting with my conscience with every step of the way.

This is how it’s supposed to be.

Keeping her here is selfish.

It’s not safe.

Just open the door. Let her free.

With the door well within reach, I pause, swinging her forward, so her back is pressed against it.

I lean forward, pressing one hand over her head and onto the surface separating me from what I want and what I have to do. She angles her chin upward, aligning her gaze with mine. I seize the opportunity, cupping her beautiful face in my palm, stroking her cheeks slowly, taking note of how being close to her makes me feel, and committing the sensation to memory since that’s all I’ll have after this. Memories. Moments I wish would last forever. Regrets that will likely eat me alive before the lizards and other creatures lurking here will.

My thumb finds its way to her lips and I begin to trace along her Cupid’s bow, taking note of how soft her lips are as I make my way to her bottom lip. I should let go now. She’s given me a lifetime of memories, and the ones I just stole, that I’ll cherish forever, are more than enough. They have to be. I’m being greedy. This was never about me. This was all about her. It’s always been.

I’m doing something I never thought I’d work up enough nerve for. In a matter of seconds, an out-of-body experience has taken over me and I’m able to do something I’ve been incapable of, and that’s to show her how I feel. Prove to her that she’s worthy of happiness, and a life that doesn’t include making endless rounds and loops in the past. Make her see that she’s worth the sacrifice made, and any that are yet to be made, all so that she gets to live.

“Rennix, I’m…”

“Perfect.”