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Fuck. He was definitely going to bolt.

“Hey,” I said.

He pulled his attention from the ceiling and looked at me. “Hey. I made you a snack.”

“Thanks.” I pivoted to the kitchen. He’d left a plate of cheese and apples on the counter, along with a glass of water. I hoisted myself onto a stool, taking note of the way Seb’s gaze dropped to the hem of my T-shirt riding up my thigh.

I would try communicating like adults first, but if that failed, I wasn’t above taking my clothes off and convincing him with my body.

“So,” I said. I took a bite of apple, a bite of cheese, chewed, and washed it down with water while he waited patiently. “The doctor cleared me to drive. I was thinking I’d head to California next week.”

“Next week?” Seb considered. “It’s supposed to snow. Maybe you should wait until spring.”

“Spring?” I stared at him, dumbfounded. “I can’t wait until spring. I have stuff there. My apartment is there. I need to…take care of things.”

“Oh.” He frowned like that was something he hadn’t realized. “I guess that makes sense. How long do you think it will take?”

“It depends on what I do there.” I cleared my throat. He wasn’t making this easy. “My lease is up at the end of the month. I need to decide what I’m going to do.”

He stared at me.

I stared back.

“Do you have a lot of stuff?” he ventured.

“What the hell kind of question is that?” I exploded. “Goddammit, Seb. Do you want me to move here or not?”

His head jerked back like I’d hit him. “I thought…” His gaze darted around the room, and when it finally landed on me, he swallowed hard. “I drew up some plans to build an addition on the cabin so you could have an office because I know you hate using your little laptop on the couch. But we can’t build until spring.”

I gaped at him. “What?” I whispered.

“I thought you were staying.” He was still staring at me like I’d hurt him somehow.

“I thought you might want me to leave.”

Now he just looked pissed. “Why the hell would you think that?”

“Because I—” Be brave. “Because it feels like before you left. I was so happy, and then I was blindsided.”

“It doesn’t feel like that to me at all.”

That put me back a step. I wasn’t sure what he meant exactly. “Well, you weren’t the one who got blindsided.”

He absorbed that, studying me. “Lila. Come here.”

I sat next to him on the sofa, but apparently that wasn’t what he meant by come here, because he pulled me onto his lap.

“The way we were then…” He cocked his head, considering, then shook it. “It was nothing like now. I was numb before I met you, and that numbness…I needed it. It protected me from feeling some really bad shit that was too big and too bad for me to handle all at once. Then you came along, and that numbness started to thaw. I loved you then. Don’t ever think I didn’t. I loved you so goddamn much, but when I look back on it, it was smaller. Because I was still numb around the edges. There was only so much I would let myself feel. You can’t numb the bad parts without numbing some of the good, too.”

He circled my waist, locking his wrists together behind my back. “And now…” He laughed hoarsely. “Fuck, Lila. My heart is walking around outside my body, getting bruised and scraped, and I’m standing here with this bloody wound in my chest and I just have to accept it. This is my life now. I have a goddamn hole in my chest, and my heart is wandering around unprotected.”

“Seb.” I touched his face. Stroked my fingertips down his cheeks to his lips.

He captured my hands, kissed my fingers, then held my hands over his heart. “You know what the truly terrifying part is? This love keeps growing. It’s getting bigger every goddamn day. Three years ago, it was too much for me. It was like picking up a fifty-pound weight when I should have been starting with fifteens. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to stay. I’m so damn sorry I hurt you. But coming to Mercy River was a good thing. Holly, Mateo, Liam, Jay…they were my fifteens. They made me part of a team again. And that felt good and terrible at the same time. Some days I didn’t know how I would get through it, but I kept going, and I got stronger. By the time you showed up bleeding, I could lift thirties. The last two months were hell, but now look how strong you’ve made me. I could lift a house.”

His forehead dropped to mine. “The heart is a muscle. The more you work it, the stronger it gets. I’ve been putting in the work, baby. I’ve been loving you so fucking hard.”

“I love you, Seb,” I choked out. My breath shuddered in and out. I held onto his neck and tried to steady myself.