Page 54

An image of blonde strands caught in the sunlight hijacks my vision. Pale blue eyes filled with mirth. And a laugh that makes my heart ache. There’s no escaping her tonight.

This conversation is bringing me back there. To decisions made. Futures promised.

And broken.

"He's as smart as you?"

"Pretty much. He also has some influence that I don't."

"Money." I smirk, familiar with how this story could play out. What are the chances we have more in common than dying in our sleep?

"Part of it."

"And powerful parents," I prompt like a narrator of a story already written. "Do they want him going to Stanford with you?"

Her golden-brown eyes seek her lap, and that's all it takes for me to know I got it right… again.

"It's his dad," she says under her breath. "He doesn't exactly approve of me."

"Not approve of you?" I laugh. I can’t imagine the impossibility of his standards if he doesn’t think Emma’s good enough for his son. "It's probably the money. I know that dad. But I went to college with her anyway." Technically, she went to school with me. And it had nothing to do with the money. Image, maybe. My temper, definitely. But I’m not in a place where I’m ready to be that honest. I’ll let her take that seat tonight.

Emma’s eyes tighten, recognizing the similarity of our stories.

"I did it too. Fell in love with the rich girl. Her parents approved of me enough, until they realized how serious we were. But we went to Penn State together anyway, even though I really wanted to get as far away from this area as possible―and Pennsylvania was still too close." Too close to everyone we were meant to leave behind. "I shouldn't have stayed."

"You broke up."

"Something like that." I offer her a sad smile. My chest is still shredded and raw. I couldn’t possibly recount the night when I finally saw the truth. Something I always knew. But I kept lying to myself anyway. "College is… different."

Sadie smiles at me as she heads in the opposite direction on campus, wearing my swim jacket that hangs past her butt. We don’t see each other much. Our classes are in different buildings. The times I do see her, I don’t want her to leave. She bursts with so much life. I feel like I need to soak her in. It’s impossible not to feel fully alive too while in her presence.

"People change. I mean you barely know who you are when you enter, and you spend that time figuring out what you want from life and who you want in it. The next thing you know, the people you always thought would be there, aren't. And the person you thought you could trust with everything, isn't the person you ever knew at all."

There isn’t just fear in her eyes when she looks at me from across the room. It’s terror. She doesn’t see me. Maybe she never did. To her, I'm just another monstrous version of my father under the surface. She’s been lying to herself and to me.

“And then six years later, you have a fraction of the life you thought you would.”

Collin pulls Sadie to his chest, watching me leave. He doesn’t come after me like he used to, to talk me down. Instead, he stays with the girl he’s always loved. He’s never hidden it. I just hoped she loved me more. Too many lies to keep them all straight. Except now that the ashes have settled, I see the truth.

The living room is quiet when I return to it. Even the television is silent tonight. I’ve been haunted today more than most. I don’t know what’s triggered it, but I need to shut it down. And the best way to do that is to not be anywhere near here.

"I’m moving to California. I got into USC."

Itold him I loved him.”

I don’t blink. My face doesn’t move. I’m waiting to be told this is a joke. When there isn’t a follow-up, I ask, “And what did he say?”

“That he loved me too., Of course.” Like that’s the most obvious answer.

I sag in relief.

“You didn’t think he’d say it back!” There’s accusation and comic disbelief.

I shrug guiltily.

“Some best friend you are. Come to me for advice again; see what happens.”

“You’ll give it to me.” I flutter my eyelashes innocently. “Because you love me too.”