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“What happened to your ankle?” My eyes drift to the healed scalpel incisions on her right foot. She’s quiet—for too long. I open my mouth to take it back.
“A going-away present.”
I had a feeling. But wish I got it wrong. “From hell?”
She raises her eyes to meet mine in silent confirmation.
“I have one of those.” I shrug up the right side of my shirt. Emma’s eyes take in the thin, white scar running under my ribs. “Lived there once too.”
I can’t stop shaking. My hands. My legs. It feels like I’m shaking from the inside out. And I’m so cold. Like there’s nothing inside of me. I’ve been emptied out. No blood. No heart. No life. I can’t feel anything.
The noise screeches in like a switch flipped. My heart racing. Pulse pounding. Breaths struggling within my lungs.
“Deep Laceration.”
“Penetrated his spleen.”
“Lost a lot of blood.”
“Sharp object.”
“Police are asking questions.”
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Clattering of my teeth.
Clawing of my nails against my palms.
All I see is red. The red of his shirt. The red on my hands. The red on his seat. The red on Collin’s face.
The lights around me begin to perforate the edges. A blur of a face blocks my view.
“Sadie, honey. The doctor asked you a question.”
I blink.
“Does she experience anxiety or panic attacks often?”
“Sometimes.” Collin’s voice. “When she’s feeling too much.”
“We can give her something to help her calm down.”
“No!” It’s my voice, echoing somewhere inside of me.
“Sadie? Can you hear me?” my mom asked again. “Sweetie, look at me.”
I blink.
“Stay awake,” I pant, my lungs trying to regulate my breathing. “Stay with me. Please stay with me.”
“We’re right here. We’re not going anywhere.” A warm hand holds my icy wrist.
“Sadie?” A light flashes in my eye. I blink. “Can you follow the light for me?”
“Jonathan. Please, please… I need you.” They are not words. They are a plea. I do not exist without him. I cannot breathe without him.
“The doctors are taking care of him,” my mother soothes.
