Page 42

“Thank you again for the flower garland fairy lights you made, Sadie. I love them,” Darcy says. “They’re perfect around the ceiling.”

I smile.

“Oh, and I start teaching yoga at the retreat center next month,” Darcy announces. “Finished my yoga training last week.”

“I love your life.” I sigh.

“What about yours? Do you love your life?” Jaz asks me.

I think about being on campus. Cooking dinner with Jonathan at our apartment. The friends I’ve made. The classes I’m taking—mostly interesting.

No one needs to know this much math. Seriously.

And waking up to him every morning.

“I do. I love living off campus.”

“Truth,” Danika confirms. “Roommates blow. Except you have a permanent one now.”

I smile. “I love having a forever roommate.”

“You’re such a sap,” Danika says, like it’s an insult.

My entire face lights up. “Always and forever.” She sticks her tongue out at me.

Emma’s staring at nothing. She hasn’t moved from where I left her on the couch when I carried Rachel to bed. Her vacant gaze has transported her somewhere else. A place that tugs down the corners of her eyes and the edges of her mouth.

“You should get some sleep,” I tell her from the archway.

“I don’t think I could if I tried." I recognize the exhaustion in her voice, along with the resignation that sleep isn’t going to embrace her tonight. The sadness draws me in until I’m sitting next to her. “I don’t know what to do. I really wanted it to be different."

“This is my fault. I should have called her back." Rachel sounded broken when she saw me in the car, like I’d done this to her. She called me. And I didn’t pick up. I chose to ignore her. Evading, like I always do.

This is on me.

"It's not your fault." She shifts her focus to me, her brown eyes heavy with regret. Something must’ve happened while I wasn’t around. She goes back to staring at nothing. But I can sense the invading thoughts—the overanalyzing, questioning every decision, and replaying the entire night on repeat.

"What are you thinking?"

"What was she even doing there? That place was awful." She shivers.

"I don't know." But I have an idea. I saw the handoff take place between clutched fists before I entered the bar, but I’m not about to share that with her.

"Were you―" Emma starts, just as I ask, "What did―” We stop speaking at the same time.

I encourage her. "Go ahead."

"Were you really going to hit that guy?"

I hesitate. Not because I don’t know the answer, but because I’m preparing myself for how she’ll look at me when I tell her the truth. "You mean, if you hadn't stopped me?"

Emma nods.

"Definitely." Shock widens her eyes. I stare at the floor and rub my hands together. "It’s a part of my past that I don't like to talk about." I look at her, so I can take her in for a minute. Because I don’t understand what happened between us outside the bar. "But that's never happened before."

"What?"

"No one's ever been able to stop me. I usually lose it, and there's no holding me back." I was so close to hurting that piece of shit, until she brought me back into myself. She has no idea.