Page 120

“No, I want to hear this,” Evan insists with superiority, like I couldn’t possibly know Emma in the same way he does. And she doesn’t want him to know.

“Yeah, she tells me things that you wouldn’t understand.” I’m taunting him, I know.

“Please don’t do this.” So does Emma. She knows he’ll eventually ask the questions she doesn’t want me to answer.

I take a step so I’m between Evan and Emma—keeping her out of it.

“What does she trust you with? What wouldn’t I understand?” Evan flexes his jaw.

I’ve discovered a weak spot.

Trust.

“Don’t worry about it,” I prod, meeting his arrogance with my own as I walk toward him. “As I said, this has nothing to do with you.”

“Evan, I can explain.”

“I’d rather hear it from him.” His muscles are taut; he’s on the brink of snapping.

I grin, knowing exactly what I’m doing. “You really want to torture yourself, huh? Just let it be. I’m not taking her away from you or anything.” No matter how many years I wait for her, she will never choose me.

I’m the asshole. The pompous piece of shit. He’s the hero. The one who’s meant to save her. That’s the roles we’ve been assigned—the coding in our DNA.

“Then what is it? What is it about you that makes her want to tell you things she can’t tell me?”

“I get her in a way you never will. It’s not your fault. You just don’t understand. And I do.” My words are empty. There’s no substance, only sharp sticks—poking all the tender places.

I don’t give a shit anymore.

She’s decided to assume the worst of me, whether it’s true or not. And he’s looking for every reason to remove me from her life.

“Jonathan, knock it off.” I can barely hear her voice anymore, drowned out by the rushing pulse in my ears.

Sorry, Emma—no more secrets. I don’t want to hide in the dark anymore.

“I’m there for her when the nightmares wake her in the middle of the night. I’m the one she calls when she needs someone to confide in about Rachel. She reveals the secrets you can’t handle because she trusts me. And she knows I will always be here to protect her.”

I recognize the flash of fire in Evan’s eyes just before his fist crashes into my jaw.

“You don’t know anything about protecting her!”

There it is. His greatest fear—he won’t be able to protect her. He won’t be the one to save her.

Like I did.

I swipe at my bloody lip with the back of my hand.

I rush at Evan and slam him into the wall. The light fixture rattles above our heads.

I wasn’t lying when I said this has nothing to do with Evan. This isn’t about him.

This is about me. It’s who I am.

I will never be enough.

I will always be left behind.

I accept every punch he lands as punishment—for surviving.