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“You know I love that show, but we both know you’ve seen it at least three times all the way through. What you need is to have your tits tickled…”

I’m not even going to ask what that’s supposed to mean.

“Not to mention, I have Matilda⁠—”

At the mention of her name, I see Matilda’s head peek over the side of the bed. She looks at me as if to say, did you need something? When I don’t say anything else, she huffs a sneeze and returns to what she was doing before I rudely interrupted her.

I hold up my hands in apology. The sass on this dog is undeniable. I need to remember not to get on her bad side.

“Oh, come on, she’s a dog, not a child. She’ll be fine for a few hours. Stop being so practical! When are you going to get another opportunity like this?” She grunts in frustration, then softens her tone. “When was the last time you had an orgasm?”

Damn, Greer, just jump right in with it; why don’t you?

I consider her question, but before I can answer, she adds, “And the ones you gave yourself don’t count!”

I bite my cheek, doing some quick mental math.

Augustus and I have been married for three years and separated for the last two. And unlike him, I haven’t strayed from our commitment to each other—even if it’s all for show at this point.

Which means we’re going on a little over three years…but who’s counting?

“It’s been too long, Kira. Hell, it’s no wonder you freaked out and tried to murder those paparazzi⁠—”

“I tapped their bumper,” I clarify. “It barely even made a dent.”

“At this point, I think you owe it to yourself to get a handle on this,” she exclaims. “What happens when the coffee shop runs out of sugar-free syrup? Are you going to try to strangle the barista?”

Okay, was that last part really that necessary? I’m a great tipper, and I love baristas…

“You’re one to talk—” I start to argue, but she cuts me off.

“I’m not denying that. It’s been so long since my vagina’s been serviced that I’m going to need a Swiffer to clear out the cobwebs…”

The champagne I just swallowed sprays from my lips, and I slap my chest at the cough clawing up my throat.

“But I’m not the one who's accidentally found herself staying in a sex club hotel and choosing not to jump on the opportunity she’s been presented with, now, am I?” she continues, ignoring my theatrics.

I purse my lips as I start to let myself consider her suggestion. It has been a long time since I had decent sex, and after everything I’ve been through these past few weeks, maybe I do deserve one night of selfishness.

“If you don’t do it for yourself, then do it for me,” Greer adds, clearly seeing she’s wearing me down.

“Fine. I’ll go down there and scope out the vibes⁠—”

She punches her fist in the air. “Yes!”

“But I’m not going to sleep with just anyone. He has to be worthy. I’m not interested in giving it up to anyone who can’t even locate my clit, much less be bothered with ten minutes of foreplay…”

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” my sister agrees, a triumphant smile pulling at her lips. “This is going to be so much fun!”

With a resigned sigh, I make my way to the bathroom, setting my phone down on top of the tissue box so she has a full view. “Now, what the hell am I going to wear so no one recognizes me?”

The words are barely out of my mouth when I hear a knock at the door. I look between the door and my sister, who’s wearing the mischievous look I know all too well.

Palms raised, she wiggles her fingers. “Surprise! You’re going to love what I found in the gift shop.”

Jesus Christ, the things I do to appease my sister…

Two hours later, I’m exfoliated, shaved, and primped almost beyond recognition, thanks to Greer’s bossy list of suggestions. I’m wearing a fitted leather micro skirt and a red lace teddy that’s sheer all over apart from the glittery gold stars covering my nipples.