Page 80

Generous. Kind. Talented.

She missed him terribly. “He would have enjoyed our accidental Christmas. The idea of spontaneous guests. He was more social than I am.” And that had been good for her. Without him, it had been too easy to retreat. “I think he was just better at life. I preferred to live in the worlds I created in my head.”

“Which is good news for the rest of us,” Brooke said. “And for what it’s worth, I think you’re incredible. Life has been tough for you. And here you are, getting out of bed every day and carrying on.”

“It’s like The Careless Witch and the Obstacle Course,” Elsie said. “She keeps falling over but she gets up again. I took that with me to sports day this summer and I read it when everyone laughed at me for being last. I hate sports day. Why don’t they have a reading day where the whole school has to sit down and read? You could win prizes for the number of books you read. I’d come first.”

Mabel felt a rush of affection for the child but also a bone-deep discomfort.

She was a hypocrite.

She’d made a living out of encouraging children to keep going when life tripped them up, but what had she done when life had thrown obstacles in her path?

She’d curled up in a ball and given up.

Walter would not have been proud.

We need to move on, Mabel. We can’t live in the past, blaming ourselves. We did our best.

But it wasn’t good enough. We’re her parents. We should know how to do this.

Yes, we’re her parents, but that doesn’t mean we know how to handle every situation perfectly! We’re learning as we go along, the way parents always have. We’re going to make mistakes, Mabel, we’re human. We love our daughter and we’re allowed to have feelings, too. That isn’t a crime.

I’m scared. I don’t know how to handle this.

I’m scared, too. But we carry on. That’s what people do. They keep walking. Keep moving forward.

She hadn’t carried on. She hadn’t moved forward. Time had stood still for her, frozen at the point where she’d lost Walter, and her life had unravelled.

And it was time to change that.

It was time she followed the example from her own books.

Time to find that box and face the past.

24

Izzy

Izzy was standing by the kitchen window sipping her water and wondering if she should take her chances and head out into the snow to find somewhere else to shelter when she heard the door open behind her.

She tensed and then pinned a smile on her face and turned, expecting Jason.

It was Brooke.

“Are you okay?” She closed the door behind her so that they were alone. “You broke speed records leaving that room.”

“I was thirsty.”

Brooke strolled to the fridge and helped herself to water. “It’s important to hydrate, of course, but it’s rarely an emergency that warrants such an urgent response. I think you were escaping from, rather than running to. I hope the children aren’t being too demanding. They’re all over you, I know. Do feel free to hand them over or tell them you need a break.”

“I think they’re great. Elsie is funny and bright and Poppy is hilarious. I could play with them all day.” It was true. She enjoyed the simplicity of it. Entertaining the children was about being in the moment. There were no emotional undercurrents. No tension. No complications. “There’s something special about spending Christmas with children, isn’t there? It reminds you of the magic.”

“Mmm. Until they wake you at five a.m. Then it’s a little harder to remember the magic.” Brooke carried her glass of water over to where Izzy was standing. “I’m worried that conversation with Jason might have upset you. I never should have asked him if he’d met anyone special. Me and my big mouth. Sometimes I can’t seem to help myself. I’m sorry if I made things awkward.”

“You didn’t. It’s fine.” The last thing she wanted was to revisit that conversation.

“Are you sure? Because you didn’t seem fine, and I thought maybe the two of you …” Her voice trailed off and Izzy felt her face flame.