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“Well, that all sounds good. So why are you crying?”
“Because I feel terrible. I hurt them.”
“You shouldn’t feel terrible. This has nothing to do with how much you love them. It’s about being able to live your life without feeling as if they are your emotional responsibility. They’re not, sweetheart. You know that.”
“I know. But they’re such good people.” She looked up at him. “I was watching you playing outside and thinking how we’d feel if it was Elsie.”
“We’d find it tough, but we’d handle it. And I hope we’d handle it in a way that didn’t leave her feeling guilty for choosing to live her life the way she wants to live it.” He wiped a stray tear with his thumb. “They love you and it must be hard for them, but they’re the only ones who can figure out how to deal with this. You can’t do it for them.”
“I know.” She forced a smile. “We’re going to get it wrong as parents, aren’t we? We’re going to read all the books and think we’re brilliant and doing it perfectly and then we’re going to realise that we’ve messed something up. The girls will be calling each other for support, saying, Agh, you’ll never guess what Mom did.”
“Welcome to life. People aren’t perfect, Brooke. You’re not always going to get everything right no matter how much you plan and how many lists you make. But we love them, we’re doing our best and we care deeply, which makes them lucky kids.” He kissed her. “Now, stop crying. It’s Christmas Eve and if the girls see you like this they’ll think Santa isn’t coming.”
She smiled and looked out the window. “That is a pretty impressive snowman you built.”
“It turns out Jason does have a particular talent in that area.” He walked to the window to study the snowman. “It looks even better from here. I’m consoling myself with the fact that Jason has had more practice. He grew up with this amount of snow, whereas we’re lucky if we get enough to cover the garden in London. Scraping together enough to make a small snowball usually stretches the limits of my ingenuity.”
“It is pretty.” She gazed out over the forest, at the snow-covered trees and smooth, unmarked trails that disappeared into the distance. “This place is magical.”
“It is. And it’s finally quiet out there. A relief after that howling wind.” He turned. “I rang the rental company by the way. They’re going to come and pick up the car and deliver a new one.”
“Today?”
“No. The day after tomorrow. Boxing Day.” He pulled a face. “Sorry, I know you don’t call it that.”
“So we wouldn’t have been able to get to my parents today anyway.”
“No.” He paused. “Do you wish you’d used that excuse?”
“No. It was a conversation that needed to be had.” She smiled. “I need to check Mabel doesn’t mind us staying.”
“She’s thrilled,” Matt said. “I already talked to her, and so did Jason.”
“That’s good.”
“According to the guy on the phone, we’re not the only ones who were stranded.”
“I’m not surprised. It was the biggest storm I can ever remember living through.”
He hugged her. “Everyone is in the library. Let’s go downstairs.”
They did that and the girls ran to her as she walked into the room.
“We’ve hung our stockings,” Elsie said. “Mabel helped us. She said this is the room he usually visits. Also, it has a glass roof so he will be able to see our stockings if he’s looking.” Excitement made her breathless, and Brooke sat down and pulled Poppy onto her lap.
“That’s clever thinking. And I love your snowman.”
“We were going to build a snowdog to keep it company,” Poppy said, “but Elsie’s hands were cold and Izzy had a headache.”
Brooke glanced across at Izzy, who was nestled comfortably on one of the sofas reading a Careless Witch book.
It was peaceful and low-key and now, with blue skies and deep snow beyond the windows, it was idyllic. Nothing like the usually manic Christmas Eve where she’d be rushing round trying to make everything Christmassy and perfect.
This really was perfect and the girls seemed so happy.
They all had one more day together. One more day before the outside world and real life intruded.
And she knew that her best gift was this. All these little moments together that she would treasure and remember long after they’d left home.
