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Chapter 38

Percy Bagnor jumped at the sight of his daughter striding purposefully towards him. Alyssa noticed his head twitch as though he was seeking out his wife, but Alyssa knew she was still in the kitchen with Anna, debating the best way to core an apple.

‘Alyssa,’ he said, straightening himself as she approached and pulling his face into a nervous-looking smile.

It was one of the rare times he hadn’t gone to call her Beryl, so she had to give him that.

‘Dad.’

He put down his plate of spicy nibbles, looking not unlike a rabbit caught in the headlights of his own sensible Volvo estate.

She couldn’t pretend she was dying to have a cringey heart-to-heart with him either – but she wondered if avoiding this was keeping her own emotions stuck. Discovering her parents’ apparent lack of love and fidelity just before she’d fled her hometown, and spending years believing they’d chosen shagging colleagues in stationery cupboards above a family life with her had smashed her last hope that true love was real.

But if she’d learned anything since she’d been back here, it was that she needed to hide from her problems less and communicate more. So she had to give this conversation a shot, come what may.

‘Well, you’ve done an impressive job,’ he waffled, waving a hand around them. The dancing and music were in full swing, voices sounding animated and drinks flowing. ‘It’s been a long time since the town has seen anything this lively.’

‘Thanks,’ she muttered. She sensed the compliment hadn’t been easy for him, but his past behaviour hadn’t made her life easy either.

‘Your mother says, I … erm. I don’t praise you enough.’

Alyssa shrugged. ‘Until recent attempts, I’m going to say never.’ And that had hurt. ‘Though maybe you didn’t see anything worthy of your pompoms, however hard I tried to be good at things.’

Oh, for the kind of dad who’d showered her in gold stars, even when she’d been a bit rubbish.

‘That’s just it,’ he said, stepping forward and taking her hands – which was weird, because he’d never been one for much affection. She felt herself tense. ‘I am proud of you. Look at you, paving the way, in a profession I’d never even heard of. Bringing people together. Helping folk when they’re struggling with love.’

Her gaze moved off to the distance. It was hard to look at him just then. ‘I didn’t know you believed in it,’ she finally managed. A wave of past emotions was rising up inside her. Thoughts of the time when she’d believed they were the happy Bagnors and her parents were in love. When she’d thought, without question, that she’d find her own true love one day too – or that she already had. ‘You and Mum were both having affairs. Probably lots of them. Wasn’t our little family enough?’ She stopped short of yelling wasn’t I enough, even though her teenage self undoubtedly would have.

‘Oh, Alyssa.’ He was squeezing her hands now. Still weird, but she wasn’t yet hellbent on flinging him off. ‘Your mother and I were both young and giddy back then. Greedy for a bit of fun. We cared for each other, and both knew what the other was up to. Sometimes we even …’

Alyssa thrust up a hand. ‘If this has got anything to do with putting car keys in a bowl to wife-swap with the neighbours, I do not want to know.’

Her dad chuckled, which at least broke some of the tension. ‘Don’t be silly, love. Your mum wouldn’t bed a man who drove a Morris Minor. She’s more a luxury Cadillac kind of girl.’

‘That’s gross.’ Alyssa pulled a yuck face.

‘In all seriousness, it’s great to have you back here and to see the impressive woman you’ve grown into. Your mum’s got me following your Instagram. It’s very inspiring.’

Her heart deflated a touch, realising he was probably impressed with the feigned version of her who ate quinoa salads and had unshakeable beliefs about love apps.

Her dad seemed to be reading her. ‘And I know how it works.’ He lowered his voice. ‘The things people share online are just the best bits. We put on a good show. But I want you to know I accept you, whoever you decide to be. If I’ve ever been tough on you, it’s because I wanted you to turn out better than your old dad. And you have. I love you, Alyssa. And I love your mother too. Always did and always will.’

She was looking at him again now, though it was becoming more difficult to see him, with the tears that were swamping her eyes. The respectable version of Percival Bagnor always had a clean cotton hanky in his top pocket. He pulled it out and gave it to her, and she blew her nose loudly. A peace offering. It wouldn’t solve everything, but they were off to an admittedly snotty start. And she was an adult now. She’d made plenty of mistakes of her own. She was learning to forgive.

Alyssa wasn’t sure whether she was sobbing because her dad seemed to believe in love, or that he might accept her even if she didn’t like quinoa, or because her mum still ironed his hankies – which was annoyingly cute, even if it wouldn’t fix everything. But instead of being mortified that she was publicly shedding tears, she just felt relief. Like she’d begun to let go of a ginormous fake Lulu Guinness suitcase, and the weight of expectations was lightening.

And now he was pointing to her love coaching flyers and saying he’d been proudly handing them out all evening. And did he just say her special blend of coaching was probably even better than Devan’s marvellous love app? Well, make room on that pedestal.

If Alyssa thought things couldn’t get any more surreal, Mrs Halfpenny began rounding up people to dance to the band’s impromptu version of ‘I Touch Myself’ by The Divinyls, although thank goodness, she was singing I love myself, or Alyssa’s poor head might explode.

‘Come on, dearie,’ Mrs H called out to her. ‘You’ve got to love yourself before you can let anyone else into your love garden.’ She winked. ‘And you did want more love in Hartglove without people needing a phone didgeridoo to show them the way. This town has got an award to win.’

Alyssa couldn’t argue with that. So before she could think better of it, she was up and dancing in a big line, with everyone from Hedgehog to Horace, Jess Halfpenny to her mum Pearl – who was clearly not about to miss out on some hip jiggling. Then her mum was dragging her dad up, and the people from Clucky Ducks were Zimmer-framing over. And Devan was soon next to Alyssa, bumping hips and grinning at her. She played along, in a way that looked friendly for the photos rather than like a woman falling dangerously in … love?

As the song came to an end, Teijo gathered everyone around, ready for Devan and Alyssa’s tango demonstration. Teijo was keen for shots of them with eyes locked, limbs entwined, to show the app was bringing them closer. Alyssa still wanted to portray the opposite. She could only pray Devan was onside with her.

He bounded up the small steps to the wooden stage, then turned and held out his hand for her to follow. Alyssa halted, her heart rate increasing as her mind did somersaults. It was enough that they had to do this excruciatingly intimate dance, in front of everyone. But up there? She hadn’t been on that stage since the night of her stupid grand gesture. And although it was nothing more than a collection of wooden planks, and things were different now, somehow her brain had not got the memo. Maybe she was being absurd, but her feet simply wouldn’t move. It was as though her high heels had reached their limit of brave things for one night.