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~ GRACE ~

I watched, swallowing tears, as Voski sank into his past just as deeply as his form disappeared in the dark of this chamber. His voice thinner and darker with every word. The more distant his eyes became, the more the night seemed to cling to his skin, until I had to concentrate to keep eyes on him, though he sat directly in front of me on the bed.

Through every moment of that horrific story, I prayed. Begged God not to let him disappear back into the memories he relived. It felt like I watched him fade from me.

And it explained so much.

The bond quavered, shivered, sang with pain. All I could do was cling. I knew I couldn’t break the spell, that he had to get this out—that I had to know.

But the picture he painted was so evil, so revolting, it turned my stomach.

Until he described that moment in his mother’s arms. Voski trembled, his eyes darting left and right as if he watched the events unfold again. And I knew. I knew what she’d done.

But did he?

I reached for him, desperate to comfort him as his voice grew tighter, but he flinched away from me, blinking, staring at me in horror.

“No, don’t do that,” I whispered. “None of this is your fault. You were a child!”

“Grace…” he said hoarsely. “I knew what I was doing.”

“No, you didn’t. Because this is what they did to you.”

I felt him tense. Felt him brace as he shook his head. “You can’t… there’s more,” he said miserably. “You have to let me tell you, because it’s not over.”

Oh God. My heart broke for him. But I nodded. “Keep talking,” I whispered. “But just know, I’m here. And I love you.”

He looked at me warily, the first flash of warmth in his eyes. But it flickered out quickly, and he sighed. He grimaced as if the words tasted bitter in his mouth, then continued from the night he’d killed his father.

“…For weeks, I just walked through the house, undertook the rites, following her mindlessly. Doing anything she told me. At first, because I could only feel sick and afraid and I didn’t want to be alone. Then, because I didn’t feel anything. I was dead inside. But eventually, the fog kind of lifted, because Cali… came back.”

There was a pinch in my chest when he spoke of this young woman, this girl who’d opened his heart so easily when he was young. I was jealous that she hadn’t had to fight for him. But I recognized the feelings for what they were, and pushed them aside.

“She was afraid, but… one night, a few weeks after… she appeared in my room, in the dark,” he rasped, then caught himself, and for the first time in an hour, his eyes snapped to mine.

I gripped his hands. “What? What is it?”

“Grace… I’m wondering if you can forgive me for what comes after this?”

Oh God. What next? “I can. I will. Always,” I whispered.

His brow lined and he shook his head. “I don’t deserve you,” he breathed. But before I could reassure him, he continued. “I was so broken, I clung to anything that wasn’t death. When Cali came back… she understood. Said she still loved me. Even after seeing that side of me, she…” He swallowed. “I could sleep when she was with me. I remember almost nothing of those first few months. But then suddenly a year was gone and Cali was still at the estate and… I started breathing again. The world still felt wrong, but it was like I could see after being blind. And I thought… I thought I knew what I needed.

“My mother was Dominus—a woman had never held the mark before. I was seventeen, and Mother proposed… well, she said I’d matured early, so why not step into the future early, as well? I was supposed to be eighteen before I chose a partner to step into leadership with me, but Mother took great delight in announcing that I’d claim my Pair during the Spring Solstice that year. And none of them fought it. They were afraid of me, Grace.”

I nodded. His hands were cold. I prayed for wisdom and kept listening.

“Mother didn’t want Cali for me—claimed her blood wasn’t strong enough. It was the only time I resisted her in those eighteen months. The only time I said no. We argued twice, but the second time… I should have known she gave in too easily. But I thought… I thought it was because my power was growing and she was scared of me as well.

“There’s a ritual for that claim—they have fucking rituals for everything. And I was so sick with it all, I decided I wouldn’t even care. I would just take Cali, and we would live our lives. But on the afternoon before, Mother called me into Father’s office and tried, once more, to convince me to choose a different girl.

“We argued, but she didn’t rage as she usually would if someone defied her. I should have known.” He grimaced and his head dropped. I scooted closer and let go of one of his hands to put my hand on his shoulder.

“Tell me,” I breathed.

He swallowed, but didn’t meet my eyes. “She rolled over too easily,” he muttered again. “But she seemed happy—of course she was. I was about to grow in power again. She said she knew I wouldn’t displease her, and she had planned a surprise. An… advantage for me,” he said, and all tone had left his voice. He stared down at our clasped hands, expressionless. “Then… then…” He hesitated, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Rituals for everything, remember?” he murmured.

I nodded, though I wasn’t certain at all where this was going. But his grip tightened on my hands as if he worried I’d pull them away. He blew out a breath.