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We stepped out into the chill night and he slipped behind me. He reached for my glasses, sliding them off slowly before covering my eyes with his hand.

“Trust me?” he asked, his breath warm on my ear.

“I do.” I really did. More than anyone else.

“Good.” He leaned down to kiss the exposed skin on my neck. He nuzzled it for a split second and then gave me a tiny nudge to get me moving.

I tripped over my own feet but he kept me upright as we started walking in a meandering pattern, his hand still over my eyes.

“No but seriously, where are we going?” I asked, mostly to fill the silence because it was suffocating. I tried focusing on anything and everything I could to stop myself from breaking and begging him to stay. The duffel bag swung on his shoulder and brushed against me every so often. I wanted to grab it and throw it off a cliff. There were plenty of those around the place; I could take my pick.

Ryan led me further out, changing directions, making me dizzy.

The terrain beneath my feet was uneven and slippery, but that told me nothing since most of the B&B surroundings matched that description.

I sniffed the air, but other than the smell of the sea and Ryan’s bodywash, nothing else could be used as a clue. The wind was singing haunting tunes around us and the crash of waves worked as the perfect backdrop for whatever was happening.

“Be patient, love,” he said with a chuckle, his free hand splayed on my waist, keeping me steady.

“I’m trying!”

“I thought you liked surprises?”

“I love surprises,” I replied.

“For someone who loves surprises you ask a lot of questions.”

“I don’t like waiting to be surprised. I tried telling you before you skedaddled up the stairs.”

“So you dislike the very essence of what a surprise is?” Ryan sounded amused now.

“It works best if you just, like…spring it on me. No delays, no wait time. Just…TA-DAH! Y’know? Smack me in the face with it!”

“Oh, I will,” Ryan said, voice going low.

I wished I could let myself enjoy the moment while he was still here. Wished I could go back to the Owain who had agreed to casual and known with certainty this would end and was okay with that.

But deep down, I knew I was fooling myself. I’d never really been okay with any of it.

“Okay, good.” I hoped I sounded appropriately peppy. He hadn’t asked for me to pine after him. He hadn’t asked for any of it, he just wanted some fun. “Are we there yet?”

“For fuck’s sake, love.” Ryan snorted before tugging me to a stop. “Yes, we’re here. Okay…”

Something soft wrapped around my head and slid over my eyes. He ran the backs of his fingers down my cheeks as he adjusted the sleep mask before stepping away from me.

“I need you to be patient for just a second longer, okay?” he asked, and I nodded, unable to speak. “And DON’T MOVE! That’s important.”

“Okay.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

I could barely hear him moving over the sound of waves. Tiny droplets of seawater flew on the wind’s wings and crashed against my bare legs. I could feel them running down my calves and into my shoes like tiny caresses. I focused on that, making myself hyperaware of it so I wouldn’t do something stupid.

“I think that’s the best it’s gonna get.” Ryan was behind me again, warm against the cold wind. His fingers found the mask over my eyes. “Ready?”

“Yes,” I said. No! my heart screamed, but it was too late. The mask slipped off, replaced by my glasses again, and I opened my eyes before I could even try to talk myself out of it.