Page 31

“Cheese!” James’s shout makes us both jump, and the camera catches the exact second we burst out laughing.

Killian jumps up, perhaps a little too quickly, to get the picture.

“We can take another one where we’re not laughing,” he says, shaking the Polaroid.

He passes it over, and we watch as the picture develops slowly. James is grinning from ear to ear, looking straight into the camera, Caitlin is smiling at her brother, and Killian and I are mid-laugh, looking into each other’s eyes. We look so happy.

God. We look like a family.

“It’s perfect.”

The kids make it through two-thirds of The Santa Clause before the day catches up with them, and Killian and I carry them up to bed. James doesn’t wake up as we tuck them in, but Caitlin gives us sleepy hugs, and murmurs, “I love you,” when I kiss her forehead.

I follow Killian downstairs, and we both collapse on the couch.

“You know, this was my favorite Christmas movie when I was younger,” Killian says, as we both stare at the still of Tim Allen trudging through the snow.

“I was more of a Grinch girl, but this was my second favorite. We’re pretty close to the end. We could finish it,” I suggest, wrapping my arms around myself. It’s been a busy day, and I’m always colder when I’m tired.

Killian grabs the blanket from the arm of the couch and tosses it over me before hitting play. I nestle in, paying more attention to him than the movie. Just before the end, he, too, wraps his arms around himself.

“Cold?” I ask.

“A little, but I’m okay. It’s chilly tonight.”

I lift the blanket, recklessly. “We can both fit.”

We have to shift closer to each other so we’re both under the blanket. We don’t have to shift as close as we do, until there’s only a handful of inches between us. But we do, anyway.

Killian turns his attention back to the screen, but I’m no longer pretending to watch the movie. How can I focus on anything but Killian, when he’s so close to me? I can see every shade of green in his eyes, reflecting the twinkling gold tree lights.

“Kill.”

He doesn’t look surprised that I’m blatantly staring at him when he turns to meet my gaze. “Scar.”

I like the sound of my name coming from his mouth too much.

“Why did you do all of this? It’s amazing. But why?” I gesture to the tree, but neither of us looks away.

“I want to help make Christmas special for the kids. You do an amazing job, and I know they would have the best Christmas whether I was here or not, but …” He hesitates.

“But what?”

He draws his lip between his teeth, and I have to fight to keep my eyes on his.

“But I want you to have a magical Christmas, too. You do so much to take care of them, to make sure they enjoy every second, and I want you to have that too. I want to be the one to give you that.”

My heart is pounding so hard against my ribcage that I swear I can hear it, thumping in my ears.

I want to be the one to give you that.

That is … What does that mean?

Killian runs his tongue over his bottom lip, and all of the fight goes out of me. My gaze falls to his mouth, and I feel his do the same.

It’s a bad idea. It’s reckless. It’s … impossible not to inch closer to him.

I think time stops for a second. I think I lose my mind for a second.