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I turn to face him. The tip of his nose is bright red, and his cheeks aren’t much better. As cold as he clearly is, his expression is warm.
“She’s been asking for years. I don’t know how much lessons cost, but I know I can’t afford them. Not without taking on extra shifts. And I feel bad asking Piper, Landon, and my parents to watch them even more than they already do. This is a busy time of year at the farm, and Piper spends all day with children. But it’s not just the lessons; it’s everything.” Now that I’ve started, I find it hard to stop. Something about Killian’s presence feels steady, like a safe space to pour it all out.
“I want them to have the kind of Christmases their friends do. The kind I had growing up. But there isn’t enough time in the day or money in the bank for me to give them that. And I have to choose. Time, or money, because if I pick up every shift I can, I’ll be too exhausted to give them the quality time they deserve. I can’t win. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, but I never imagined I’d be on my own or struggling so much. They deserve more than this.”
I don’t realize I’m crying again until a tear slips down my face and splashes on my hand. Killian brushes it away and places his hand over mine, squeezing.
“I don’t know you that well, or the kids, but after just a couple of days, I know this: if you woke up on Christmas morning and all you gave them was a hug each, they’d still think you were the best mom in the world. They love you so much, Scar. Anyone could see that. You’re their whole world.”
“I’m only one person. That’s an awfully small world.”
“Not to them,” he says, gently. “They’re happy. They’re loved. You should never have had to do it on your own, but you did, and that’s something to feel proud of, not guilty about.”
He says it with such intensity that his words start to burrow under my skin, even if I don’t quite believe them.
“That was a very nice thing to say. Thank you.”
“I meant every word.”
“I know.”
I don’t know what comes over me, but I step forward and … hug him. Unlike my daughter, I’m not a hugger. Not usually, anyway, but a sense of relief settles over me when Killian returns the hug after a second of surprised stillness. He’s warm, and soft, and, for a moment, I don’t feel quite so alone.
When we break apart, he’s frowning—not like he’s upset, but like he’s trying to figure something out. He’s quiet, searching my face, before clearing his throat. “I was planning to talk to you about something before this, but I don’t want you to feel any pressure to say yes if it’s too much.”
“Say yes to what?” I ask warily.
“I don’t think a week is long enough to get to know the kids—and you—as much as I’d like to. I’d like to stay longer. Until the new year, at least. I can work from my laptop, and schedule my meetings for during the day, when Caitlin is in school and James is at pre-school. That way I can look after them while you’re working, do stuff around the house, and run errands, so you can just focus on spending time with them when you’re not at work.”
It takes me a second to process what he’s saying. “You can stay as long as you want. You’re family. But you don’t have to look after the kids or run errands. Are you sure you want to stay over Christmas, though? Won’t your family miss you?”
“Probably not, to be honest. My dad has nine siblings, and I have like thirty-five cousins, and even more second cousins.”
My jaw drops. “Nine siblings? He told me he was an only child.”
I’m becoming too familiar with the anger that crosses Killian’s face every time he hears about another lie his dad told me. “Nope. Anyway, one missing Michaelson won’t be noticed.”
“What about your mom?”
Killian hasn’t elaborated on her cancer, but he shouldn’t be away from her at Christmas. For the first time, uncertainty flashes on his face, but it’s gone as soon as I notice it.
“She’ll understand, when she finds out why I stayed.”
“She doesn’t know?”
He shakes his head. “Only Fallon and Ronan know. I’m not going to tell anyone else until you’re ready for them to know. Caitlin and James are the priority here.”
That’s what makes me nod. One little sentence that tells me, with certainty, that Killian and I are on the same page.
“And I want to help, for the record. I like to be useful. I understand if you don’t trust me to look after the kids yet, but I’ll help out however I can.”
“I trust you with them.” It slips out before I really think about it. But when I do, I realize it’s true. Somehow, in such a short period of time, I do trust him. Because Killian has only been here for a couple of days and he’s already shown me that my children, his half-siblings, are his priority. I can tell he has their best interests at heart, and it would be a relief to be able to pick up some extra shifts, to make a little extra Christmas money, without having to think about arranging childcare.
Not to mention, I know the kids love having him here. Truthfully, I like having him around. It’s nice to have another grown-up to talk to.
“Okay. Thank you. Seriously. For offering to help, but mostly … just thank you for wanting to know them.”
“I love them already, Scar. I’m not going anywhere.” He grins, and I’m struck by how different his smile is to his dad’s. Dom smiles like he’s holding part of it back, like you don’t deserve the full strength of it.