Page 82

11 May 1788

Dear Alexander,

Few of us relish discussing our weaknesses with others, particularly when the audience is someone we admire, but to have you understand my actions when last I saw you, I must lay bare the full extent of my failings and limitations.

As you know, five years ago, I sustained serious injury after falling from my horse. My leg was broken in multiple places, as was my hip. After attempting to set the bones to right, Dr. Whittington, the physician who attended me at the time, informed me that because of the damage done to my pelvic bone, I would be unable to bear children.

It is commonly accepted that few gentlemen would consider marrying a crippled wife unless his sole motivation for marriage is to produce an heir. With that female duty also beyond my capability, I have been forced to accept a future without marriage or children. My father has generously made allowance for this eventuality in his will, but the knowledge that I shall never marry has never been more crushing than it is now.

Caring for Asher over the last week has given me a glimpse of what I will miss if I am not given the opportunity to be a mother. Already, I have come to love him as my own, and for that reason, I have asked my father to contact his solicitor to put adoption proceedings into motion. I know that as a single woman, I cannot offer Asher an ideal situation, but I am committed to making it the best that it can possibly be.

I have watched you interact with Asher in multiple settings. Each time, I have been made keenly aware of what a truly remarkable father you will be. For this reason—as difficult as it is—I must accept that your future does not belong with me. You must fill Bloxley Hall with the sound of your own children’s voices and secure an heir for your family’s fortune.

Please forgive me for allowing you to leave Charwell Park on Saturday last without explaining myself better. My sole motivation for refusing you as I did was to spare you from terrible disappointment in the future, and the realization that my lack of openness may have hurt you has haunted me ever since.

Sincerely,

Jane

A solid punch in the stomach could not have sent Alexander reeling as much as the words on this paper had. His heart ached at the thought of all Jane had lost after one bad fall. That she had silently borne such personal sorrow so bravely and had stoically fashioned a new future for herself only made him love her more.

Did she truly believe that his desire to marry her was dependent upon her producing an heir? He winced at the thought. This letter must have been excruciatingly difficult to write, but it had provided a way for him to move forward. For the first time since he’d ridden away from Charwell Park, he felt hope—

The sudden pounding on the front door was so loud and so jarring it brought Alexander to his feet. Sliding Jane’s letter into a desk drawer, he moved across the room to open the study door. A man wearing a dark traveling cloak was talking to Fink in the hall, and based on the urgency in the visitor’s tone, he was in need of help.

Alexander stepped closer. “What seems to be the trouble?”

“Lord Bloxley!” The man turned, and Alexander recognized him immediately as Jane’s father.

“Mr. Hadford. Is something amiss?”

“I’m afraid so, my lord.” Alexander’s stomach tightened. Not Jane. Please let there not be anything wrong with Jane. “The young boy who has been living with us—”

“Asher?”

“Yes, my lord. He appears to have gone missing.”

His relief that Jane was not the reason for her father’s frantic ride to Bloxley Hall was short-lived. “What do you mean, he’s gone missing?”

“The maid went to fetch his bath, and when she returned to the nursery, he had disappeared. Based on a conversation she had with the boy earlier today, Jane is convinced that he has set out to return some frogs to your pond.”

“On his own?” There was no hiding the consternation in Alexander’s voice. A three-year-old traveling unfamiliar territory, unaccompanied, and with no light was bad enough. That his likely destination was a deep pond made matters infinitely worse.

“As far as we have ascertained. I have servants scouring our house and land, and I was hoping to enlist the assistance of some of your men to search the portion of your property that borders ours and the area surrounding your pond.”

“Of course!” Alexander turned to the butler. “Gather the manservants right away, Fink. They will each need a lantern. And have the grooms bring out all available mounts, including my own.”

“Right away, my lord.”

Alexander reached for his hat and cloak. He did not want to consider the worst-case scenario, but he knew that he must. “It might be wise to have Mrs. Hunt apprise my mother of what is happening. Should we find him nearby, we shall bring Asher back to Bloxley Hall.”

Mr. Hadford appeared suddenly haggard. “I appreciate your help, Bloxley,” he said.

Alexander pressed his fingers into his gloves with a little more force than necessary. “That boy is dear to me,” he said. “We must find him.”

Jane could wait no longer. It had been an hour since her father had left for Bloxley Hall. Their servants had finished a thorough sweep of the house to no avail, and although almost all the manservants had been sent out to search the grounds, not one had returned with any news. She rose from her seat in the drawing room.

“Forgive me,” she said. “I cannot be here any longer.”