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Leah looked even more startled than she had been when she had discovered him standing outside her door. Her eyes glistened, a line forming between her eyebrows. “You shouldn’t be so rash.” Her voice was weak. “Several days remain of the house party. If you are determined to be engaged before it ends, there is still time to find an alternative better suited to you.”

“An alternative?” Felix’s heart sank. “I don’t want an alternative, Leah. I want you. I have only wanted you.” He drew closer, nudging her chin up with a bent finger. He searched her eyes, but they brimmed with doubt.

There seemed to be more Leah wished to say, but her mouth was closed tight. She was silent for a long moment, her eyes flooding with moisture. “I cannot marry you.”

Leah held her posture firm, though her insides were crumbling like the walls of a castle ruin. Mr. Hawthorne’s face fell. He looked down at the floor, crossing his arms over his chest.

Leah had come to Bellthorne Hall determined to marry no matter what, but her ambitions had changed. Mr. Hawthorne was clearly still blinded by his goal, and Leah refused to be a hasty resolution to the problem he faced. His time was running out, and when Miss Benson rejected him, he must have considered Leah an easy alternative.

But she deserved far more than that.

She deserved to be loved as ardently as she loved, even if it meant sacrificing Switzerland. Even if it meant leaving Bellthorne Hall with a broken heart.

“Will you leave me with no explanation?” Mr. Hawthorne said finally.

“It’s too soon.” Leah shook her head, her throat suddenly dry. “I have realized how foolishly ambitious I was to think I might find a husband here. How can one possibly know, in so short a time, that they wish to spend their life with someone?” She took a deep breath to sort her thoughts. If she had evidence that Mr. Hawthorne meant what he said—that he had only wanted her, then she might have had a different answer.

“I will take the time.” Mr. Hawthorne moved closer, his eyes sincere enough to almost convince her. “If it will make you more comfortable, I will wait as long as it takes for you to be certain.”

Leah wanted to agree to his offer, but her heart still ached. If Miss Benson hadn’t rejected him, they would be engaged already. Surely Mr. Hawthorne wasn’t aware that Leah knew about his proposal, but she couldn’t find the words to tell him. The pain was still raw in her chest, scraping against her heart with every second that passed.

The practical side of her would have said yes, but the romantic side of her dug in its heels with defiance. How could she agree to marry a man who had kissed her and then proposed to another woman? Yet, with the way he was looking at her now, she found it difficult to believe that he had done any such thing. Her heart raced with longing, and she very nearly gave into its demands.

“I can’t give you a certain answer,” she said in a hoarse whisper.

“You don’t have to.” He lifted her chin up again, gazing into her eyes. “I’ll wait.”

She nodded, her heart pounding.

She sensed his disappointment, though he hid it from his face as he took her hand in his, pressing his lips against the back of it. His eyes met hers again as he lowered her hand, his fingers interlocking with hers.

She didn’t want him to leave.

But she was angry with him at the same time.

She was embarrassed to admit that she had been listening to Miss Benson’s conversation with the ladies in the drawing room, and she was embarrassed to have cared so deeply. She had an opportunity to secure her trip to Switzerland and her freedom from her parents, but she felt as though the reins had been ripped from her hands. And now her pride stopped her from asking Mr. Hawthorne a simple question: Why had he proposed to Miss Benson first?

His eyes were heavy with vulnerability as they traced over her face.

He seemed to be withholding something too.

“Don’t forget to eat,” he said in a quiet voice, nodding toward the bundle he had brought her.

Leah nodded, still clinging to his hand like a fool.

He pressed his lips to her knuckles one last time before taking his leave of the room.

She watched him go, her head spinning. The moment he was through the door, she darted forward, closing it softly. His words echoed in her head. “Would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

Her stomach sickened with dread as she imagined him asking the very same question to Miss Benson the day before. How could he love Leah and do such a thing? She paused. He had never told her that he loved her.

He had said that he wanted her.

Her heart stung. That should have been enough, but it didn’t match what she longed for. She couldn’t wait and hope that one day he would love her. Until she knew he did, she couldn’t promise her life to him. Some women were comfortable with practicality, but Leah had learned that she was not. Her dreams were far too big now—even bigger than Switzerland.

She waited in her room for several minutes, laying on her bed and staring at the ceiling until another knock at her door sent her scrambling to her feet. Relief plummeted through her chest as she realized it was Katherine’s knock.

She took a deep breath before opening the door. She had been expecting Katherine to come knocking. Her cousin did not approve of Leah’s recent habit of retreating to her bedchamber, nor had she been pleased when Leah confessed that she had turned Mr. Markham away.