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I relax into his embrace. I did, but I also didn’t. Logically, I probably knew they’re the kind of people who would never walk away from me because my relationship with Serena didn’t work out, but then, my mom never should have walked away from me either.
Family isn’t always by blood, though. Sometimes you have people that stick, people who love you regardless, even if they struggle, like my father, and sometimes your family is also those you find along the way, those who prove to you that family is about whom you choose to stand by. “Thank you. I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
He pulls away, and I notice both Ree and Sanaa have tears in their eyes. I linger for a moment after Ree and her dad begin hugging, before Sanaa says, “I love you. That’s not going to change. You don’t get out of being my son that easily.” And then we’re hugging too, and maybe that little boy inside of me, the one who felt left by one of the people who should have loved me the most, gets a little more healed by the strong, loving woman who will always be a mother to me.
*
The first couple of minutes in my SUV with Serena are quiet. She rode with her parents to the game with the plan of her and T coming home with me.
The silence gets louder as I drive, the guilt weighing more and more heavily on me. “Ree, about Des…”
“We’ll talk about it when we get home, Oak. I just need a minute to sort my thoughts.”
I nod. She deserves that. She deserves the fucking world, and I hate that I couldn’t be the man to give it to her. “Yeah, okay. I get it.”
The drive is short but feels like it takes an eternity, but then suddenly, when we’re home, standing in the kitchen together, I wonder how we got here at all.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her, unable to hold back anymore. “I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Me too,” she admits, and I swear, it’s like a blow to the chest. “But I’m not surprised.”
“You’re not?” Confusion makes the question come out quickly.
“I could tell there was something different between you and Des from the start. Hell, even the way you kinda obsessed about him before he was traded here. You always got weird before playing Kansas City. There was this…charge between you.”
“I didn’t touch him when we were together, Ree. I swear. I would never, ever cheat on you. Hell, we weren’t even talking for years. We only really started talking again when he was traded.”
“I know.” She leans against the counter, crossing her arms. “I know you, Oakley. I don’t think you have a deceitful bone in your body. You admitted there was someone, when, honestly, you didn’t really have to. We weren’t together, and I want you to go out and experience the world, just like I want to do the same. I just don’t understand why you couldn’t trust me with your bisexuality. Have you always known?”
I take a few deep breaths, trying to figure out how to answer this question, but then, there really is no way other than the truth, is there? “Not until Des,” I admit, because it’s always been Des for me, and it will always be Des for me. “But not how you think. When we broke up, and I went on vacation with my dad, I told you I kissed someone. I never said it was a woman, but I let you believe it was—when really, it was him.”
“I—Holy shit, Oakley.”
“I know. It was just a coincidence. We met and spent our whole vacation there. We both loved football, obviously, and then…then it just happened. He kissed me, and it sorta fell into place. Maybe everything fell into place, but I didn’t realize it at the time. Then we found out about T, and I told him I was going to make it work with you. That I love you, because I do, just…”
“Just not in the way we’re supposed to love each other. I don’t love you that way either, but I will always, always love you, Oakley. I think…I think we both made some mistakes, but we both had our hearts in the right place. Even though I wish you would have told me about you and Desmond, I can see what he means to you, and I’m not surprised that you found someone so quickly.”
“You’re not?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “That’s not really how you operate. I think that’s why you wanted to try so hard to make it work with me and why I knew I had to be the one to end things. You’re a relationship guy, and when you choose to give pieces of yourself to someone, it’s because they’re special. I might not be the one for you, but we’re best friends, and we will always have that connection. The second you started spending time with the same person over and over, I knew they were special too.”
“He is,” I admit. “I don’t know how to do this, though. I don’t know what I should say to you. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You’re not going to hurt me. I’m happy for you. I want you to find real love. It gives me hope I’ll find it too.” She walks over to me, linking her arm with mine. “You’re in love with him.”
It’s not a question. She knows it just as much as I do. “Yes.”
“Have you told him yet?”
I shake my head. “No. It didn’t feel right. Not when we hadn’t even told anyone about us yet, and I worry about Tiana. What if…”
“Tiana will be fine,” Ree assures me. “She’s a strong, confident, loving kid. She’ll want you to be happy. It’s going to take some adjustment, of course, but more of that will be about accepting that we’re not together anymore and less about Desmond. She adores him, and she adores you. Tell me you know you’re our baby’s hero, Oak. That child worships the ground you walk on, and that will never change.”
God, I hope she’s right, but hearing her say it helps. “Thank you for being so incredible. For being the best friend, ex, and child’s mother a man could ask for. I’m so lucky to have you.”
“True,” she teases, and we both laugh. “I think we should tell Tiana about us now. Keeping it a secret longer won’t change anything. I don’t want to risk her finding out somewhere else.”