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Prologue

TWO YEARS AGO

BECKETT

I swear I’m locked in a torturous time loop, forced to experience the same thunderous roar piercing the air, the same sea of emotions as the crowd around me cheers in triumph. The opposition’s crowd.

Whether we’re home or away, it never changes.

And I’m fucking over it.

“We almost got there today, cap.” One of my teammates slaps me on the back and I force a smile. “This year is shaping up to be our best yet.”

“It sure seems that way.” I cup his shoulder, leaning in to give him the captain’s love he’s waiting for. “Good game today, Griff. We’ll get ’em next time.”

“Yeah, we will.”

I nod, holding my grin as I shake hands with our rivals, offering congratulations while my chest burns with disappointment.

You’d think I’d be used to it by now. During the last four seasons combined, we’ve only won a handful of games. We’re the worst in the league. The joke of our conference.

And I doubt that’s changing anytime soon, despite what Griffin said about us getting closer this time. Still, I humor him.

He’s a rookie, starting with the Cougars for the first time this season. He’s optimistic and naive. Happy-go-lucky.

I’d admire his spirit if I could remember what it felt like to approach life that way. That part of me is long gone. Instead, I’m jaded and negative, chasing a dream that continues to move further out of reach.

In my head, I’m going through the motions, but I’m still doing my best to show up for the game, while my teammates—Griffin aside—are just phoning it in. They know we’re a joke and they’re happy to be in on it.

What my Colorado teammates lack in talent, commitment, and dedication, they make up for in charisma and fun. The Cougars are loved by all, whether fans of another team or not, and my teammates are more than satisfied with that being our thing—the fun-loving team down on their luck. The underdogs.

I’m not like them. At least, not on the inside. I want to win. I want that Super Bowl championship. I want to feel the vibrations of the stadium and know they’re cheering for me. I want to play with a team that strives to win. A team that gels together. A team on the same fucking page.

And I want it now.

I’m nearing retirement. I’ve dedicated my entire career to this team. I’ve given them my blood, sweat, and tears. My best years have been spent fighting for a team that has no desire to win.

For too long, I’ve been stuck here, keeping up appearances, pretending I’m not shattered by every loss and every heart-breaking moment. Since college I’ve done everything that’s been asked of me. I smile. I’m polite. Courteous. Loved. I’m a supportive captain, a caring teammate. The guy who remembers that your son’s a budding pitcher, or that your daughter just graduated with honors.

I’m what people call a golden boy.

Unless you know me.

To those that know me personally—my mom, sister, friends from the past—I’m closed off, reserved, an asshole who doesn’t return calls. And I’m okay with that. It’s for the best.

I did what I had to do.

If only my commitment was paying off.

It’s time to make a change.

LILY

A calming sigh escapes me as I stare out the window of my cozy two-bedroom home. Even with the tightness in my chest suffocating me, I can always count on my garden to make me feel better.

When I first moved here, I spent months choosing the right native trees to accompany the vibrant red maple that held residence before me. I did all that I could to turn that small piece of dirt into my very own sanctuary. I made it a home.

Now I could lose it.