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‘It could be. Until the next job,’ he says. ‘That’s me, always moving!’

I try to smile through the pain I’m already feeling about him leaving here come Christmas Eve. And his usual smile seems to have a sadness in it, too.

‘Looks like we’ve both got some adjusting to do. You’d be able to visit,’ he says.

I nod.

‘I know . . . once I’m sorted with a new house, and Will is settled.’ I let out a hiccup.

‘Stay strong,’ he says; but I think his voice cracks a little too. He kisses the top of my head.

‘Mummy!’ says a little girl and points. ‘It’s Santa!’ she whispers, her eyes wide, as Horse steps out from the back of the hut and disappears into the forest to cut down more trees.

Every day, somewhere in this forest, magic just keeps happening.

Chapter 37

‘That’s all the reserved trees picked up now,’ says Luke as we look around the forest at the clearings where trees have been felled. The gaps let us see through to where the new trees are coming up, the last ones Paddy planted before he died.

It’s dusk on the evening before Christmas Eve. The lights have come on in the forest, but it’s quiet here now. Most people have bought their trees and taken them home. Some trees will be soaking in a bucket of water outside, ready to come in, others in a cold room in the house, before introducing them to the heat of the living room. It’s a bit like with children, as I’ve learnt recently: things have to be taken one step at a time. Go gently, or you’ll shock the tree and all the needles will drop.

‘Nearly packed,’ says Horse, coming out of the forest where I’m leaning on the gate, having cleared away in the hut. It’s a cold, crisp evening. His breath curls like plumes of smoke as he breathes the air of the forest. ‘Not that I had a lot of stuff,’ he laughs. He comes through the gate; I put my arms around his middle, and he puts an arm around my shoulder.

‘So, you’re taking the job?’ I ask.

‘Seems like a good idea,’ he says, looking around at the forest rather than at me. ‘Got some friends who have invited me to have Christmas lunch with them, and then I’ll go on north from there. Start date is pretty flexible.’ He shrugs, then hugs me closer. ‘Seems like we were only just getting started,’ he says. ‘It’s a shame we didn’t get more time together, see where things could have gone.’

I want to tell him not to go, to stay with me. That that kiss was the best thing that has happened to me in years. He looks down at me, and despite the cold I feel a fire burning in my stomach. But I’ll be gone from here tomorrow. I can’t offer him any work. I can’t offer him anything.

‘You’ll be okay, will you?’ he asks. ‘Going to Glan’s holiday cottage?’

‘Yes, yes, we’ll be fine. We will. As long as I don’t have to share bunk beds with Will!’ We both laugh. ‘It’s fine. There’s a bedroom, and the sofa pulls out into a bed. It’s just until Will . . .’ And I know I have to practise saying the words. ‘Until he moves in with his new family.’

Horse puts his forefinger under my chin and tilts it upwards. I stare at him and want to lose myself in those soft, kind, brown eyes of his, and I reach gently up and he bends to me, about to kiss me again. My lips are on fire, aching for his. He pulls me closer—

‘Gwen! Horse!!’

We turn around. Lara’s car has parked up, and Will’s running across the yard with handfuls of carrier bags. They are back from a trip out that Lara organized in order to talk one-on-one with him, away from the farm, and gently introduce the idea of a new family. I slide my arms from around Horse and open them to Will, my heart lifting at the sight of him.

He throws himself into my arms and hugs me.

‘Did you have a good day?’ I look up at Lara, who is following behind.

‘It was great!’ He smiles. ‘We went Christmas shopping in town. I got something for everyone.’ He holds up his bags. ‘I saw Khadiza and her parents.’

‘Well.’ My nose tingles and I rub it, hard. ‘That’s good to hear.’

‘They asked if I’d like to go for a sleepover. Tegan!’ he shouts with delight when he sees her. He runs over to her and she gambols towards him. ‘I got you a Christmas present!’ he says, turning back to me. ‘And I’ve got a new cookbook! Lara bought it for me! Nisha Katona’s. I like her. I watch her on the telly.’

It’s so good to see him so excited. I could burst with happiness at seeing him like this, while at the same time I’m already starting to feel his loss and the darkness that I know will follow when he leaves.

‘Tell you what,’ I say, galvanizing myself. ‘How about we have an early tea, around the fire in the forest, before it’s dark. One last meal together here.’

‘Sounds perfect,’ says Horse. I see him looking at me, and I know he understands how I’m feeling.

‘Whoop!’ shouts Will, jumping up from Tegan, a tangle of bags and gifts around his legs. ‘I’ll go and tell Luke and Lara. I got presents for them, too!’

In the kitchen, we all work around each other, gathering food and carrying it to the hut in the forest. There’s spicy pumpkin soup, two curries and rice. The lights are on through the forest; Luke has switched on the ones around the opening to the hut, and on Paddy’s tree and the wishing tree for one last time. It’s just beautiful, and I try to store a picture of it in my mind’s eye, to keep in my memories there.