Page 9

I shake my head, exasperated. ‘Sorry. Look, I don’t know what I’m doing here – I just know I couldn’t leave him there. I couldn’t. They’d already done my DBS and background checks and . . . it seemed like I was the only option. I couldn’t walk out, and I know this is what Paddy would have done. It’s only until things are worked out for him. Until there’s a better option.’

He pats my hand as if he understands my confusion. I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster and have no idea which way is up any more.

‘I’m just looking out for you, like I said I would,’ he says.

I’ve heard this so many times, but somehow tonight, instead of reassuring me, it rankles.

‘I know,’ I say through gritted teeth.

‘What about dinner?’ he says. ‘I could rustle something up? Carbonara?’

‘What? Oh – sorry, I haven’t even thought about it. I’ll probably just have some cheese on toast.’

‘Try to get something in you. It must’ve been a long day.’

‘It was,’ I say, and suddenly I realize I’m completely worn out. More tired than I’ve felt in a long time.

There’s a muffled sound from upstairs. Gareth and I look at each other.

‘He’s probably fine,’ says Gareth. ‘Just relax.’

But relaxing is the last thing I can do.

I jump up from my chair, leave the kitchen, pace quietly along the flagstone hallway and stand at the bottom of the stairs, holding on to the newel post and looking at the threadbare carpet. It’s been worn through by years of use, first while Paddy was growing up here with his parents, and then by us. I listen, but I can’t hear a thing now. What if something’s wrong up there? What if Willow has stopped breathing? You hear about things like that. What if he’s jumped out the window and taken off? Tegan would have let me know, I’m pretty sure of that one.

As quietly as possible, I creep up the stairs. Tegan follows at my heels, clearly keen to check on the visitor too.

We left the bedroom door open a crack earlier, and I peer in. Through the duvet and eiderdown on the bed, you can barely see the small form under the covers, but I can just make out the little mound that is Willow. He’s not moving; he seems to be asleep. He’s exhausted too, I expect.

I creep back downstairs and into the warmth of the kitchen.

‘Probably a bad dream,’ Gareth says. ‘Poor fella, probably hasn’t a clue where he is. Nothing you can do for him. He’ll just have to go through it.’

I know he’s right, but I wish there was some way to make it easier for Willow.

Gareth hands me my wine glass. I take it absently, thinking that I’m going to have to do some more shopping. ‘I thought all children liked fish fingers and chips, but I don’t think he’s eaten all day.’

‘He’ll eat when he’s hungry,’ Gareth says.

‘I’ll ask Lara for some advice tomorrow,’ I say distractedly, putting bread in the toaster.

‘So the social worker, guardian person is coming back tomorrow? On a Saturday?’

I nod. ‘She says she doesn’t mind. They’ll start my kinship carer assessment as quickly as possible, so I can officially look after him.’

‘Seems odd they let you just take him home.’

‘Well, obviously they already knew a fair bit about me before they met me, that’s why they contacted me. Already checked out my suitability, as it were. Did police and social service checks. And the fact I’m family.’

‘That’s a bit presumptuous,’ he says.

As I’m about to reply, I notice smoke spiralling up from the toaster.

‘Bugger!’ I say and flip the burnt toast up, flinging open the top half of the kitchen’s stable door to let the smoke out. I hold my breath, hoping the smoke alarm won’t go off as it often does when I’m cooking. But the smoke finds its way out of the kitchen, drawn by the wind – clearly in my favour for once. I let out a sigh and turn back towards Gareth.

‘Look, I know all of this is a bit unusual, Gareth. But it’ll only last until they find him a family of his own. I’m just helping out for a bit. It’s the least I can do for Paddy’s only remaining family member.’

‘Well, if I’m honest with you, Gwen,’ he says, taking a deep breath, ‘I think you’re making a mistake.’ Seeing my expression, he holds up his hands. ‘Look, I’m just thinking about you. You have no idea how hard it is to look after a child.’