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Love From Christmas Tree Farm

Page 40

by Jo Thomas

‘No, his home. Where he belongs . . . It doesn’t have to be a house. It’s usually who you’re with, a sense of belonging.’

‘Like you belong here?’ he asks.

‘Well, it’s not about the house. This was my home with Paddy. Now that he’s not here, it’s time I moved on.’

‘Can’t you stay in the same house and do that?’

‘I . . . I suppose so. But it’s too big for me. And it takes a lot of work to keep up with repairs. There’s always something that needs fixing!’ I smile fondly, thinking about the lists Paddy and I used to make together. It’s not the same with just me, missing him. ‘So, that’s why I’ve agreed to sell it now – so someone else can love it and make it their family home. It’s time to move on.’

‘To Gareth’s house.’

‘Yes, to Gareth’s house. With you, too, if you’re happy. See, it’s often about the people or animals you’re with, not the house. And in time, we hope that Lara will find you a new family to live with, and you can settle in and start to feel you belong there. Then I would look for something more suitable for me and Tegan, where you can come and visit.’

‘I don’t mind moving. I’ve moved a lot.’

‘I know.’ Again I think about the fact he’s had no stability, not even a school as his rock. He needs parameters, routines, to help him feel secure.

‘And I’ll still see you?’

‘I’ll always be here for you, Will.’

‘And Tegan,’ he says sadly. Then, ‘Gareth says Tegan will have to sleep downstairs in his house.’

‘Oh, well . . .’ I haven’t heard this before now. ‘Maybe it’s good to have a few rules.’

‘Like in the school. They had lots of rules.’

‘Yes. But it means everyone knows what they’re doing and when. When bedtime is, and when to get up.’

‘That’s just common sense,’ he says, parroting Gareth and making me laugh. There’s a little pause and then he asks, ‘Will I still see Horse? I would miss Horse.’

‘I know. And just like he’s been dropping in to check in on you recently, he’ll still always be welcome.’

I smile and realize that I’d miss Horse, too.

The following day, I tidy as best I can and start putting things in the boxes I picked up from Ifan. It’s Saturday and winter is creeping in through the window, icy patterns forming on the panes. Outside, the water butt needs the ice cracking on the top and I find myself doing it with great satisfaction, letting out some of the frustration I realize I’m feeling.

‘Lara will be here in a while,’ I say to Gareth, who has dropped in to see how things are going with the move after an early-morning round of golf. He was in the kitchen with Will when I returned from the yard. ‘I have the new buyers coming to have another look at things. Will you two be okay on your own while I answer any questions for them?’

‘Of course,’ says Gareth.

I thank him; but something about him sitting there at the table, just where Paddy would have sat, doesn’t feel right now. It’s almost like he’s trying to take his place. That might not sound rational; after all, Gareth has been visiting ever since Paddy died. But all of a sudden I have this new feeling, like he doesn’t fit in here. It’s almost suffocating.

The sooner I move now, the better.

Later, as Will is watching Saturday Kitchen – where a well-known TV cook is preparing ‘fakeaway’ south Asian dishes to try at home, using supermarket spices – I hear the rumble of Scarlett’s big Audi pulling into the yard. I glance out the window, my heart sinking at the thought of her expansive plans for my home.

She gets out of the car, followed by Luke, who has Dinky on a lead and is gently calming her. Mogs, their cameraman, is documenting the scene as always, focusing on Scarlett and her reactions to everything. Thankfully he’s not pointing the camera anywhere in my direction.

I go to the door to greet them.

‘Morning,’ says Luke, smiling as they approach.

‘Good morning,’ I reply. ‘It’s a cold one. Winter is on her way in.’

‘Hi,’ says Scarlett, raising a hand and smiling while looking around. Mogs hovers, capturing her reactions, while Luke comes to stand beside me.

‘She’s focusing on what needs to be done and what to ask you. This place is just beautiful,’ he says, looking around at the frost-tipped trees and the field rolling away down the valley towards the road below. I turn and follow his gaze.